Author Archives: Alex Vann

For the Frustrated Leader – How to Work Your Way out of Frustration

How frustrated are you today?

Chances are there is some frustration in your life today. And if not, then there was some yesterday and there will certainly be some tomorrow. A frustrated leader is a fruitless leader.

Leadership is more frustrating than an at any point in recent or near recent history. There are many reasons for this. We wont dive into them, because dealing with the symptoms is largely ineffective, if you neglect the cause. We need to find the root(s) of this frustration. Leaders are frustrated. That’s a fact, we’ll accept it and move forward. Work is being done, but is it the right work?

Let’s dig deeper.

There is a zone where leaders enter that is hard to shake, yet has a great negative effect on the leader. This zone is called the frustration zone. It is a place where results (often because of results), personnel and activity lock the leader in a perpetual place of frustration. The boundaries aren’t clear. They are fuzzy. Frustration feels like a maze, that often the harder you work at getting out, the more lost or frustrated you become. Despite trying various solutions or reorganizing your team, the frustration remains. You are working harder and harder, yet you still are more confused and frustrated. Welcome to the frustration zone. There are some things you can do that will help you work your way out of the soul-stymieing and brain-blowing place of frustration that you are in, have just left or are heading in again.

How to Work Your Way Out of Frustration:

1- Rest. Frustration leads to life imbalance, especially for hard-working, over-achievers who also happen to be leaders. You feel the responsibility, you feel the lack of results. And as a result, your frustration mounts, relationships fray and thoughts narrow. You are short and curt with those around you. But, you wont and don’t end up solving problems and seeing solutions with heavy eyelids or an exhausted body. A lot of the time frustration is simply a by-product of over-work and over-activity.

The first thing you need to do is pull back. Now, I didn’t say pull out. Abandonment or ignorance is not the solution. Rest allows you to renew your perspective. Every individual needs rest. Sometimes, we simply pile too much on ourselves and others. Organizations and teams need rest. Ask any successful sports team what happens the day after a game, it’s a physical day off. Vocations are contests and struggles. We are always going to run into frustration because the earth yield’s nothing worthwhile easy. That means there is stress. Stress wears you out physically, mentally, emotionally and spiritually. Rest rejuvenates, renews and restores. Leaders and organizations need rest. But, most are unwilling to take what they need most.

Rest is a reset. Do you remember the original Nintendo? Back in the day when the Nintendo (16 bit) would get hot because you played it too much and your thumbs hurt from pressing down on the directional pad too much for too long, you had to hit the reset button. Often, we get so locked in that we neglect rest. Rest for our bodies, our minds and our souls. Like the Nintendo, we had to hit reset. Eventually, to rest our eyes and our thumbs, our parents would make us turn it off…this was always a problem, because early video games lacked automatic save points. So, we would desperately plead with Mom to not cut our game off in the middle of a stage. Often, she would intervene and unplug it. We needed rest. We were neglecting other things that were important. Problems magnify when you are tired. Your brain, your body and your soul need rest, in order to function at it’s highest level. When you’ve been playing/running hard for a long time, your vision is narrow, your energy is waning and your responsiveness is slow.

2- Plug Yourself Into the Problem. After you’ve rested, and you’ve had time to meditate on the thing of greatest frustration, go plug yourself into a new place. Too many leaders withdraw and make their decisions and judgments from a position too far removed from the place of greatest frustration. If you aren’t getting the results on your team or in a department that you are capable of, then go insert yourself into that area. You need to feel, to see and to experience what those that you are leading are experiencing. You can never lead people effectively if you can’t relate to them and don’t understand what they are going through. Sometimes, leaders need to give themselves a new office, a new position on the front line. This may temporarily cause the frustration to increase, but now you will see more clearly the causes or effects of the frustration. You can’t fix what you can’t see and haven’t touched. Listen carefully, I didn’t say glue yourself to the problem. Plugging in means you can also unplug. Gluing in means you are stuck. Getting stuck is not a healthy place for a leader or the organization to be in.

3- Clarify Your Expectations. Our frustration increases when we assume on the behalf of those working with us or for us. We expect our leaders or our followers to know what to do and maybe they should. However, if you want to be truly effective as a leader, then, you take the burden of responsibility and assume the expectations are unclear. Clarifying the expectations goes a long way in clearing the chaotic air, in decreasing the pressure of frustration and dividing the responsibility up among the team. When expectations are unclear the law of human nature is to reject the responsibility. Often this is not intentional, but it is an uninetentioal by product of a lack of communication. When expectations aren’t clear, individuals, departments and teams often take a mind set of self-preservation. When the ship is sinking followers find a flotation device and hold on. Leaders get to a place where they can be heard and give clear, calm direction and instruction.

Hares, Turtles & Clydesdales

When things aren’t clear, your people like a turtle will tuck their head back in their shell. Like the turtle things will slow down, which will only increase your frustration. A moving turtle is an effective turtle–maybe not as effective as you thought. Don’t think you want an organization full of hares, because as soon as a hare is frightened they run anywhere as fast as they can to get away from the perceived danger. Hares are fast, but flighty. Turtles are methodical and determined. Fixing frustration is never a quick fix, as you strengthen your turtles you can help them develop into Clydesdales. Clydesdales are trainable, dependable and strong. They can pull lots of weight continually over an extended time on a long journey. If you give a bunch of responsibility to a bunch of hares, they will run all over the place creating a lot of activity, but simultaneously increasing your frustration. Clarifying your expectations pushes you toward patience. Impatience is always a root of frustration.

4- Work on One Thing. Far too often leaders see every problem all at once. This is overwhelming. Your brain can only process so much information at one time. Your brain has a hard time working out more than one solution at a time. You have limited thought capacity and limited physical capacity. This means you only have a certain amount of thought energy and physical energy. You must measure where you will invest both types of energy. Wasted energy only leads to more frustration.

A leader must identify one thing to work on at a time. And be willing to work on only that one thing until it gets right. To work on one thing, the entire organization must have one focus, one voice and one direction. Organizations and leaders that are pulled in multiple directions and allow it are accelerating greater stress, which leads to division and ultimately collapse.

Being overwhelmed makes you feel hopeless. When you are hopeless depression follows. A depressed leader is an uninspiring and apathetic leader. No one follows a depressed leader for long. Medical experts (I’m not one) say that depression can be caused by chemical imbalances. I have found that depression is often triggered by helplessness in the face of a deep personal fear. Fears can lead to worry. Worry leads to anxiety. Anxiety is a state of mind that ushers you into depression. A depression is a low place. Fears never inspire us. Fears never elevate us. Fears never raise us to new heights. Often our frustration is a symptom of one of our fears. If you can find the fear, then you can often release the frustration. As you learn to recognize what triggers that fear, you can work on strategies and mechanisms to overcome that fear.

You can’t lead tomorrow’s yield with yesterday’s you!

Often, the business, the organization is growing, but the leader isn’t growing. This only causes the organization to suffer more. You can’t lead tomorrow’s yield with yesterday’s you. If you aren’t growing you are dying. If you are in neutral you are sliding backwards. Changing gears is often painful for a leader. To grow when you are stuck, you most often need to downshift.

5- Find Your Blind Spots. Every leader has flaws, few leaders will admit it. These flaws further frustration when you are not aware of them. Some blind spots are self-imposed because of hyper-focus. Most other blind spots are the results of being human. As a human, you are fallible, imperfect, biased and flawed. This seems and feels entirely too vulnerable and exposed for most leaders and their organizations to admit. There is no perfect leader (other than Jesus) and there is no perfect organization, because people are involved.

You are not the solution to finding and fixing your blind spots. Too many leaders think and act like they are. To find your blind spots, you need a small circle of trusted, truth-tellers who will call you out and speak in to your blind spots. These trusted, truth-tellers do not in any way benefit from telling the truth, in fact, if the relationship is not viewed as equal, they often fear reprisal and retribution. They value conviction more than compensation. They value doing things right over what is convenient or expedient. They value people over profits. It is arrogant to operate independently from wise counselors. Most people don’t volunteer their counsel for fear of reprisal. You have to find someone you trust and allow yourself to be vulnerable and transparent. If they tell you what you want to hear, they are not right for you. You need those who will tell you what you need to hear. They will not validate your bad ideas. They will not whistle while you work in frustration. They will pierce your heart and your bad ideas with the truth…and, if you are wise and want out of frustration, you will love and respect them for it.

6- Become the C.E.O. (Chief Encouragement Officer). Not only do you often need to change your position, but you often need to change your title. Give yourself a title that no one will pay you for and that doesn’t give you any more power, but the power to lift those around you up. People need to be inspired and when you are frustrated, you are uninspired. An uninspired leader can never inspire an uninspired follower. But an uninspired leader can encourage an uninspired follower. I have discovered that at the greatest points of my frustration the best way for me to serve my organization was to go around and just start encouraging all those who work for me. Instead of trying to prod people into better results and into the right places, I just started patting everyone on the back.

Truett Cathy

“How can you tell if someone needs encouragement?”

“If they are breathing.“

A frustrated leader must become selfless and put his frustration to the side and simply start encouraging those around him. Encouragement lifts the soul and spirit of those whose minds and flesh are tired and overwhelmed. Encouragement is a fresh wind. A frustrated leader is most often blowing hot air or stale wind.

7- Ask for Help. Don’t pay for help. Get rid of the people that are benefiting from your frustration. Ask for help. There are people who are willing to help that don’t need payment for their counsel. These people are invaluable. These people are loyal and bought in. They are owners without voices. As a leader, you need to hear from your team, especially the long-term, most loyal ones. These are often the most silent. They observe, they feel, they see, but they stay silent. They aren’t leaders, they are followers and they will follow you right over a cliff or into a ditch.

Perhaps, the greatest release of frustration is when your soul is at liberty. Liberty is freedom. The mind follows the heart and the heart is the home of the soul. Frustration is felt in the identity of the leader. Your identity is truly in your heart. Many times frustration is a heart issue with the heart of the leader. Because the leader has been given great purview and responsibility for people, resources and opportunities, frustration is really a test that the leader is failing. This is known to only the leader and a small circle of perceptive people. To acknowledge this failure is to have an identity crisis. But, what the leader doesn’t realize is that the perpetual frustration signifies than an identity crisis is currently on-going. The organization will feel the effects of the leader’s heart. This leader has but one option left: ask God for help.

This is the ultimate act of humility, asking God for help and waiting for him to send it. Leaders must recognize and accept that there are elements, actions and forces at work that are beyond their control. We are limited. But, we think we can fix our frustration, but, yet we find ourselves still locked in frustration. God is unlimited. Our soul must get still before God and surrender. We must admit that we need help, that the frustration is really in our hearts. God introduces frustration into the lives of those he loves. This frustration is often then passed to followers and the organizations they run. Most people are quick to say, “Everything rises and falls on leadership,” except when they are the leader!

Leader, locked in frustration, get still, ask God for help and wait on his response. While you are waiting, by faith go back to work and watch for God to realign, reset or restore your former joy.

“Be still and know that I am God.“

Psalm 46:10

Don’t Be Afraid to Wait

You’ve heard it said, “Good things come to those who wait.” Well, not always, sometimes more waiting just comes. But, don’t be afraid to wait!

Everyone hates a waiting room. Everyone hates waiting in line. We don’t mind lines if we are first, because waiting makes us feel unimportant, devalued and impatient. But, purposeful waiting has value.

Waiting is a part of life, but it is not punishment. We most often view waiting as penalty. This is an error. Pointless waiting feels like punishment. But, waiting is powerful when you wait with a purpose. If you need to see the doctor, but his waiting room is full, getting up and leaving is not going to get you the diagnosis or medicine that you need. The purpose of the visit was to see the doctor, the waiting was part of the process. If you need to get your car repaired, a good mechanic will take you, but you will have to wait. The baseball batter has to wait for the ball to arrive. The wise shopper has to wait for the sale to arrive. Sadly, we have grown so self-centered and self-absorbed that we rarely view waiting as a positive part of any process.

One reason that we don’t like to wait is that we see ourselves as the priority. We like to be waited on. Yes, admit it, most people if the truth be known like to be waited on. Now, we don’t want to seem that arrogant so we call it “pampering ourselves,” “taking a me day” or even recently I have seen “I don’t feel like adulting today.” The reality is we really enjoy being waited on. Now, it can get uncomfortable if we actually think about the other people who are doing the waiting, so we don’t. We keep our minds on how much we are enjoying the experience and what benefit it is bringing us. We pay ridiculous amounts of money to get our hair done, not because it actually increases our value, but it increases our perceived value. We pay ridiculous amounts of money on shopping and getting new clothes, not because it actually changes anything about us, but because it makes us feel better about ourselves. We waste ridiculous amounts of time in and on activities that don’t actually make us any smarter, give us any more wisdom or create in us any more faith. When self is the priority, self is served. Self hates waiting (perhaps one very critical reason God makes his people wait).

Another reason we don’t like waiting is we don’t actually practice the habit or behavior of waiting. What we do practice is convenience, immediacy, and instant expectation. We do this because we want instant gratification. Delayed gratification has died. No one wants to wait for anything. For millennia, people had no choice but to wait. They were dependent upon the seasons, upon their families and their neighbors. They didn’t depend on the government, the news, the credit lender, their employer or the internet. Because they had no choice but to wait, they had to accept that waiting is a part of life–their life. We don’t mind waiting to be a part of life–just not our life. In order to be effective at any thing, you have to learn to become a good waiter. A good waiter is disciplined, committed and faithful. But, most importantly a good waiter is attentive. Attentiveness is where readiness meets preparation. The best waiters are attentive to every detail and then move with certainty and anticipation. When you are a bad waiter, you don’t anticipate you react because you were not ready. A good waiter has learned the value and importance of the behavior of waiting with a purpose and acts accordingly with purpose and anticipation.

Another reason we don’t like to wait is we are afraid to wait. We are afraid to wait, because we are afraid to miss out. We are afraid to miss out because we don’t view God as sovereign and faithful. In fact, most often, we live like we want God to wait on us. Fear is a part of life. There is no escaping the fact of fear, but you can be free from the fiction of fear. The fiction of fear is the feeling of uselessness, hopelessness and pointlessness which causes worry, anxiety and hurry. Because, we allow these fears to fester, we often live in a self-induced sphere of the perpetual fear of missing out. Social media has done some good. However, a negative by-product of social media is the constant bombardment of seeing what you think you are missing (advertisers know this). Social media is a clever construct of fantasy for most people. Who posts their bad days? If they do, too often you get annoyed and you “unfollow’ them or ignore them. It doesn’t fit in our afraid-to-wait-no-bad-days narrative. Social media looking at filtered parts of peoples’ lives often creates unnecessary pressure on you. This self-created pressure leads to anxiety, doubt and premature activity (called rushing).

Another reason we don’t like waiting is because we have been conditioned to rush. When you rush, you are in a hurry. To hurry is to act quickly with little concern for discipline or focused activity. The focus is on the movement not the mission. There are many things in life you can’t hurry and expect success. Ask any baker, any builder, any artist, any musician or any chef if waiting is a part of their process. Speeding things up is detrimental in many cases, actually in most cases. You can’t rush growth. Good growth takes time. Rapid growth often creates a pattern of instability and imbalance. Efficiency is not rushing. Efficiency is where productivity meets responsibility. Rushing is where impatience meets activity.

Maturation is a process that takes time. The world is subject to God’s law of time. God’s law of time is that he set it, controls it and you & everyone else are subject to it. You cannot advance it or turn it back. You live in and with the time you are allotted. According to recent reports, the world is actually slowing down by a millisecond each year. So, although we are speeding up our connections, actions and activities, the world we walk on is actually slowing down. God controls time. You are responsible for the time you have been granted. Waiting is a sub-law of time. Learn to wait and your time becomes more valuable, more useful. If you can’t learn to wait, you will never be effective at resting or at worshiping or leading people.

Effective leaders, effective parents and effective followers will all learn to wait well. They see that waiting with a purpose is trusting God with the outcome, with the unseen and with your time. Waiting with a purpose drives fear away and renews your strength. There are some things that you are not designed, gifted or able to make happen. Therefore you have to wait. God will send the response. Your name will be called. God will send the help. But, you have to wait. Waiting means God is working, most often in you or through you.

“but those who wait for the LORD shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings like eagles; they shall run and not be weary; they shall walk and not faint.“

Isaiah 40:31

Mistakes Leaders Make Today with Tomorrow’s Talent

The talent shoreline has changed. Developing leaders standing where you used to stand doesn’t work anymore. Waiting for the tide to come back in isn’t going to happen, because the shore line moved out. You are standing, waiting and meanwhile the weeds are growing up around you while you sink in the mud. You are holding on to your old mindset and its only weighing you down further. Your competition has moved down to the new shoreline. You are frustrated. But, if you want to catch fish, you have to go where they are. They aren’t where you are anymore.

There are some common mistakes leaders make in development today, especially the next generation of leaders. Development is never accidental or casual. Development is an intentional and critical system. Development is not natural, decay is natural. So, assuming that people will develop because they are present, working hard and seem to be listening is a mistake. You must intentionally engage in the development process and activate a development system.

Every system doesn’t have to look the same. A leadership development system is reflective of the leader guiding it, thus leadership systems will look different. But, one commonality is that the system will actually produce and develop new leaders. Let me say this as well, not every person you are trying to develop into a leader will work out. But that’s not an excuse to keep having the same failures and making the same mistakes.

Frequent Failures Leaders Make Today:

Failure to construct a system for new leaders to develop in. With what and who we are dealing with today, a leadership development structure is absolutely essential to facilitate the maturation of new leaders. Millennials and Centinnials need structure in all that they do–including steps to grow as a leader. Organizations and leaders who realize this and create a platform are attracting and winning the top talent. Leaders of organizations must invest time, resources and energy into a structure that engages and guides the next generation through development. If you leave the next generation working for you to “figure out for themselves” (because that’s what we did), the only thing they will figure out is how fast they are going to leave you.

Failure to have a leadership strategy. Yes, you actually need to have a leadership strategy. No war is won without a strategy. We are in this War for Talent. And guess what? The Millennials won. There are 82 millions Millennials and only 63 million Gen. Xers and 72 million Baby Boomers. There are more Millennials and they had the weight to fundamentally alter the way we think, the systems we use and where we will work. The work still has to get done, but we are now in the aftermath of the war. This is called reconstruction. You must have a strategy, because your competitors do. A leadership strategy is a plan that systematically recruits, retains, develops and releases leaders.

Failure to launch. The point of your leadership development system is to launch these new leaders out. Now, what is actually counter-intuitive is that when you talk about departure and launch, these next-gen leaders actually seem to stay in your organization longer. But, if you aren’t willing to launch new leaders away from your organization, you become an unattractive organization. Be willing to create a system that has a launch point for your leaders. In today’s talent pool, creating a system that celebrates the launch and promotes the launch and looks forward to launch is actually becomes highly attractive for the top talent.

Failure to recognize the cost. The cost of development requires more than ever before. Many leaders today are applying the same mindset around development and cost. Grooming people who will “one day” be ready to be a leader simply doesn’t happen at the rate it once did. Those days are gone. Developing leaders is like fishing. The fish still bite, but the gear, the equipment and getting to the fishing hole cost more, often significantly more. Just as egos have inflated, the cost to develop leaders has inflated as well. You can not like it, you can not accept it, but this will not help you recruit, retain, develop and launch new leaders. You are going to have to spend more. This is why a strategy is so important, otherwise you will fail to see the return you desire.

Failure to invest. Investment means you are addressing risk. There is a risk in releasing your resources to the unknown. However, you must be willing to invest in new methods, new ideas and new processes in your leadership development strategy. You must not only have new hooks in the water, but new nets and new divers! The good news today is that a little goes a long way with millennials. You don’t have to invest extravagant sums, but you need greater frequency. Next gen leaders need more access to the top leadership.

Failure to create a leadership network. A network is part of the strategy, its not the strategy. A network by definition is a group of interconnected people. Your leaders are already way more connected than you realize. They connect with everyone. Many leaders today fail to engage these systems of connectivity. Create a leadership network of past leaders, present leaders and future leaders. Every leadership system today should look at the value of an alumni network. Viewing your leaders that left you as assets as opposed to simply absent, will engage the sense of value in your whole system. They already stay connected with those in your organization. Alumni can become some of your best advocates, promoters and recruiters.

Failure to see themselves as a follower. Every leader better have someone they are following. The death of leadership is arrival. Arrival is complacency. Complacency leads to apathy. When a leader feels like they have arrived, they’ve reached the pinnacle of their ability, they begin to take more than they give. Too many modern leaders detach from themselves being a disciple. If you don’t have a plumb line, you will build where ever the pressure pushes you. You will accept less than the best because pressure creates desperation, panic and anxiety. Leaders must keep learning and keep applying. Great leaders who are also great followers are easy to follow. Leaders who are only following themselves or the wind are difficult to follow. When you are difficult to follow, look back and look around, chances are you’ve had a trail of people leaving you.

Failure to put in more than they take out. When a leader begins to reap the benefits of what they have sown, many times a subtle mindset shift happens. This subtle shift moves from “put in” to “take out.” This is a temptation and a trap that is easy to fall in and is devastating to the development of your people. These days what leaders are putting in requires more than ever before because of scale, volume, pace and complexity.

Failure to adapt. Because the shoreline has changed, you must adapt. Without adapting you will be overwhelmed and overcome. Many leaders today feel exactly that: overwhelmed and overcome. This creates extra tension and pressure in the whole organization. Adaption is the adjustment to environmental conditions. Your talent environment has changed. When you fail to adapt, you end up getting trapped. Being trapped means being stuck. When you are stuck, you don’t move and you get left behind. Leaders today must practice strategic adaption. Which means you don’t change who you are, you change what you do. This is the fundamental difference. Many leaders fear adapting for fear of change. Embrace the change of what you do or how you do it, not the change of why you do it.

Failure to move in humility. Failure to adapt is often a sign of pride. Pride will kill leadership development quicker than any other thing. Pride is a heart issue. I’m not talking about the pride of shared joy in an accomplishment. I’m talking about the insidious pride of self-centeredness. When a leader makes it all about themselves, they are self-centered. Successful leaders practice humility, which means they easily recognize others and don’t need recognition themselves. Too many leaders today will not adapt because of pride. Pride makes you angry, frustrated, lazy and aloof. Humility keeps you hungry, engaged and serving. Humility helps you remember why you started developing leaders in the first place.

The greatest leader outside of Jesus Christ was one of his chief followers/disciples, Paul the Apostle. Paul spoke about adaptation in his disciple-making strategy. He said, “To the weak I became weak, that I might win the weak. I have become all things to all people, that by all means I might save some” (1 Corinthians 9:22). This is some of the best counsel that I can ever offer someone frustrated in their development of others. Paul is basically saying, “I adapt whenever necessary to the standing of others, so that I can relate to them and win them.” If you really want to win with talent, you must adapt. You don’t win talent by demanding they become like you. You win talent by going to where they are.

Failure to paint a picture of better & brighter tomorrow. The next generation leader already has a very clear picture of what their tomorrow looks like–even if you think it is just fantasy. If you don’t speak into that picture or paint a better picture their tomorrow, then their shelf-life with you will be extremely short and you wont have an opportunity to bring reality into the fantasy. And it’s pretty hard to develop a leader when they leave you. Leaders today must paint accurate pictures of a better and brighter future.

Failure to speak with a social conscience. This is why I have found that despite the perceived unpopularity of my Christianity, when I speak with a social conscience, the next generation leader welcomes and responds. The next gen leader has more of a social conscience than ever before. Your leadership development style and structure needs to at least acknowledge this reality, if not engage this reality. Millennials really want to make their world a better place for everyone. Now, they often are not entirely sure how to do this or where to start. This is where you come in. You have resources, you have connections in your community and you do have a social conscience. A social conscience basically means you care and will demonstrate concern for others.

Conclusion

Developing leaders is always worth it. Today talent costs more and demands more. The shoreline has moved. The talent tide will not return. Throw off your pride, slosh through the sand and rediscover the joy of a new talent beach.

The Secret to Winning with Your Millennial Leader

The Secret to Winning and Developing Your Millennial Leaders is simply this:

If you want to truly influence them, then you have to understand where they are. Many leaders today only understand where they aren’t.

This article is designed to help the Baby Boomer, Baby Buster and Gen. X leader gain better insight into the mindset of the millennial leader. If you have leaders from 20 to 35, then you have millennials who are leaders or see themselve as leaders. Stop trying to change reality and start understanding it. Ignorance leads to arrogance. Increase your insight and your leadership development strategy will be better for it. Too many senior leaders have created a leadership culture that is unforgiving to millennial leaders. If you want to win in leadership today, you better learn what makes the millennial mindset tick. Then, you can teach it how to tock!

Millennials are bombarded with information, yet they are highly selective and individualization in what they believe works best for them. Human nature has not changed. But, our access to information has changed. This has accelerated the belief-and-achieve curve, inflated egos and self-assurance among the next generation called Millennials. But, a lesson for every Millennial, Centennial, Gen X’er and Baby Boomer is this information doesn’t make you a leader any more than a new paint job makes a car without an engine move.

Leaders today must learn what’s under the hood before they hit the road.

There’s one question that can quickly get you past so much of your frustration and help you identify a better course action with your millennial leaders or millennials your are trying to develop. This question will help you understand where your millennial is building from or why they aren’t able to build much at all.

Ask this question: “Who is your model?”

Chances are 50% of them will pause, look at you like you just asked them if they speak Nepalese, and say “Myself, I guess.” The next large group of them will say someone they have never met or someone that is really only an acquaintance. The smallest group will identify either you or someone in your organization. If I have learned nothing else in my over 20 years of leading and developing people it’s this: Every successful leader has had a model or models that has influenced them greatly. No leader pops out of the womb or arrives on the scene ready to lead all by themselves with no outside influence, no training and no development. That kind of leader is reckless and inexperienced. That kind of leader is like putting a toddler behind the wheel of Tesla. The reality for many of your millennials is they simply have the wrong model or no model at all. You cannot be your own model. Sadly, many leaders across the generation divides have this strategy. When you are your own model you are destined for failure.

Ask your Millennials who they are modeling themselves after. How they respond will give you better insight into where they really are in their leadership development and growth track.

Lesson #1 – Teach Millennials the Model is for Measurement. View leadership development as growth. We have a “growth chart” on our wall in our mud room at home for our children. Each September, my wife will measure them on the wall and make a mark. I remember as a middle-schooler using my mother as my measuring stick. I remember catching her in height and then passing her. But, once I passed her I needed a new model–my dad. Millennials must also be taught that a model is not solely for admiration and accreditation. Most of our young leaders have a strong desire to build a large network, but only in as much as they can get from it and not give into it. Be careful that you don’t foster the idea that a model is more than a reputation or status enhancer. A model is for emulation and measurement.

Get the Model Right

It is important to select the right model. The right model is a more than modern mentoring. Modern mentoring is rapidly becoming an exercise in frustration and futility. A good model is consistent in practice, character and conduct. A good model exercises wisdom and sound judgment. A good model is a good leader who seeks the growth and maturation of others.

A model is a person that serves as a pattern for others with character qualities worthy of imitation. A model serves as a point of reference and who has a position that will influence and foster growth in others.

When you have the wrong model, you are shaping yourself the wrong way.

Recently, I sat down with a frustrated millennial leader. This leader didn’t understand why they weren’t getting promoted. I stopped them after hearing a lot of excuses and asked this question: “Who is your model? Who are you modeling yourself after?”

This leader paused. Looked at me. Looked out the window. Looked back and me and said, “No one here, really. Just myself, I guess.”

I responded, “That’s the problem.” When you have the wrong model, you get the wrong results. Since, all leaders start at immaturity and are growing up toward greater maturity, models are critical to our development. Models are others who are at a more mature place in their own development and have qualities and attributes that are worthy of emulation and replication. A young leader might do many things well, but no one (except Jesus) does all things well.

Lesson #2 – Millennials tend t0 choose a make over a model. Typically, they want the shiniest, prettiest car that elevates their status, instead of the most trusted, reliable and consistent performer. It’s largely not their fault. They have been conditioned to believe these things. You must help them see that what’s under the hood is more important that the color of the paint–that the performance is more important than the appearance.

Models are used for imitation and replication. We all need models. The Apostle Paul wrote that someone could have 10,000 teachers and no father, thus they were to model or imitate him (1 Corinthians 4:15). We all need models, because we are filled with deficiencies, defects and deficits. Models show us why we need growth, how to grow and where to grow. The wrong models will never provide the right vision for growth. Models give us examples to see. And appearance is important to Millennials.

Lesson #3 – Millennials have a bent more toward being concerned with how they externally appear than how they internally constructed. Their undeniable lack of emotional maturity and subsequently, emotional intelligence, insulates their ability to think very circumspectly outside of themselves. They were not told “life isn’t fair,” “there is one winner and a bunch of losers,” or “you want something, go work for it.” They were told, “great trying,” “wow, you are special,” and “here is ribbon for 12th place.” Their ignorance is your responsibility, if you want to develop them. You will never win them if you don’t understand them.

Lesson #4 – Millennials lack maturity and your frustration or disdain doesn’t help them gain more maturity. Your frustration pushes them away. We live in a development climate that senior leaders must adapt their systems and styles of development like never before. Human nature doesn’t change, but because of our access to information and our inflated self-evaluations, our systems of development must change. You have to earn their right to be their model and your title and position is not enough.

Lesson #5 – Millennials are not looking for fun, they are looking for engagement. Don’t mistake entertainment with engagement. At the deepest level this is what it is. Because of social media and the constant connectivity of their world, we live in an era of over-stimulation. Engagement is your ability as a leader to connect at an appropriate level, (a) which starts with the heart, (b) shapes thoughts, and (c) influences behaviors. Effective leaders who work with Millennials are able to paint a picture of the future that aligns and appeals to the Millennnial, but is in harmony with the needs and goals of the organization. Leaders often get frustrated with having to “cater” to Millennials. Let me encourage you not to see your adjustments as catering, but as connecting. If you don’t connect with the millennials in your organization, their departure will be hastened.

Lesson #6 – Millennials see themselves as highly mobile with an upward destination–they are always looking for what is next. You become more effective as you become more accepting of this. Millennials as a whole (of course not all of them) don’t understand loyalty the way previous generations do. I don’t like it, but it is the reality of our day. When you are willing to engage and help your millennial leader explore the future, then the by-product is more loyalty.

Millennials see you as either helping them or holding them back. There is no middle ground. If you want to be effective at developing Millennials as leaders, then you must help them see that your system increases their competitiveness in a highly competitive landscape. They must see that your system values their individuality and helps them move forward.

This is what Gen Xers and Baby Boomers often fail to see–how competitive the landscape is and how hard (in their minds) progress actually is. What this really means is to a millennial is pressure. Millennials see opportunities without clear solution paths which increases anxieties, fears and stress. You, the more mature leader, know the pitfalls and realities of life they aren’t seeing. But, when you play the expert as opposed to promoter, then Millennials have a tendency to move on. The most effective developers of Millennials I have seen really do promotion well–they are (in today’s lingo) the “hype-man.” You may not like it, agree with it or believe in it, but it is true. Hype is for a Millennial is belief. When you hype them, they feel you believe in them. For many of us, to hype someone goes against everything we believe in and stand for. Don’t be afraid of it, hype is just a modern way to think about encouragement, attention and praise. Everyone likes encouragement, just as every millennial likes to be hyped! I’m not encouraging you to resort to flattery, but don’t be afraid to take your organizational encouragement to a new level and explore new methods.

Lesson #7 – Millennials are going to move on, don’t be afraid to talk about it. They don’t know this causes you anxiety. They are discussing it among themselves. You must create a system that encourages them to move on. This will engage them on a deeper level for you.

I spend time with a lot of leaders who are afraid of their people moving on. This is an error. Don’t be afraid to talk about your Millennials moving on. In fact, you increase your credibility with your Millennials when you talk about what they will do next in life. When your people see that you are not afraid to loose them, they will often stay longer. I don’t have any science to back me up, but by the behavior I have observed, there is clear evidence that this has a reverse-psychological effect, which in turn often creates greater capacity for patience. Stop trying to keep them and start preparing to help them leave. In doing this, you become their model.

Conclusion

The bottom line is this: If you want to go up, then you have to grow up. This is for both the Baby Boomer/Gen Xer and the Millennial. Don’t play the expert. Be a learner. Some of the greatest joy you will ever experience is the joy of seeing a young leader who you’ve poured into grow, blossom and bear fruit. Invest deeply and be prepared to let go. This requires patience and selflessness. Chances are, one day you will look up and see a “mini-me” looking back at you!

Develop leaders, it’s always worth it.

The Power of Making a Difference – Lessons for Leaders

Everyone wants to be different, but very few people really want to make a difference. Making a difference is a nice idea, but actually making a difference has a price that all but a few are willing to pay.

“I was brought up to believe that a person must be rescued when drowning…”

Irene Sendler

Do you know the story of Irene Sendler?

It is fascinating, terrifying and inspiring. Irene Sendler lived in Poland during World War II. The Nazis had invaded her country and were rounding up Jews and placing them in ghettos (preparing them for extermination). When you are faced with insurmountable odds you can either think of yourself or you can think of others. Most people simply think about themselves. In order to make a difference, a positive difference you must not count your life as valuable. You must lay your life down for others. Irene Sendler did this.

She was a social worker. This gave her access to the Jewish Ghettos. Now when she became a social worker did she think, “Hey, one day, I am going to win a Nobel Peace Prize for my efforts in helping children?” By her own admission, not a chance. She became a social worker to help others. But, she didn’t quit her job when the Nazis took over, she kept working. And her work gave her a social work card. This card allowed her access to the ghettos. And she got involved. She began smuggling Jewish orphans, babies and children out of the ghettos. She would place them with sympathetic Polish families who would raise them. Each child she smuggled out, she would place their name in a glass jar and bury it in the ground in hopes of reuniting children with parents after the war (very few were ever reunited as almost all of the parents were exterminated in camps).

What kind of a difference did she make?

She rescued some 2,500 children from certain death.

People that make a difference see a need and get involved.

To make a difference in your world something drastic and dramatic must occur. But, most who desire to make a difference will not choose the drastic thing. Instead they will choose the easy thing, the convenient thing or the thing that benefits them the most. This drastic thing happens inside you at your very core where no one else can see, where no one else can touch, and no one else resides. What you must choose, because like taking an exit off the highway it is a choice of departure, is to intentionally forget about yourself. No, please do not forget to brush your teeth, wash your clothes or put on deodorant. In order to make a difference, you must get out of the way and get involved.

Every coach knows this to be true: Spectators never make a difference, but Participants do.

Making a difference is actually pretty simple. Most people who want to make a difference, don’t often know where to start. The good news is you don’t need a commission to make a difference, you don’t need money, you don’t need power, you don’t need a network and you don’t need vision. You just need to see a need and respond. Let’s make it simple…

Those who make a difference:

A. Live intentionally. When you live intentionally you don’t miss your moments. Your moments are your opportunities. Leonard Ravenhill said,

“The opportunity of a lifetime must be seized in the lifetime of the opportunity.”

You can waste your opportunities and miss your moments when you live unintentionally. An unintentional life is a life that lacks focus. An unfocused life, leads to a frustrated and often wasted life. Focus demands preparation and attentiveness. If you are only attentive to your needs, your wants and your wishes, then you will miss your moments and waste your opportunities. Opportunities don’t last for ever. So if you don’t seize the opportunity, then you will miss it. And when you miss, you don’t make a difference.

You say you want to make a difference in the lives of your children, your marriage or your employees, but merely thinking about something never made a difference. The way you rescue a drowning person is to jump in or throw them something (depending on your training). You don’t rescue a drowning person by watching from the shore shouting “You can do it!” You get involved.

B. Live in their why. The stronger your why, the higher you can fly.

Knowing your why simply means your purpose, your calling and your motivation. Your why is where you build from, launch dreams from and make a difference in the lives of others from. People who live for the why-of-me make little difference in their world. They are always looking for someone to meet their needs and make a difference in their lives. Sadly today, many people today have no idea about their why, their purpose, their calling and subsequently their motivation is inward focused instead of outward focused.

Those who make a difference live in a different land. This land can be anywhere on earth. When you have your why right, you begin to live in a new land. These difference makers live in the land of opportunity. The land of opportunity is full of optimism and positivity not depression and negativity. The land of opportunity is a mindset that is different from mere opportunity. Mere opportunity is unexpected and must be acted upon quickly. People who live in their why are looking for opportunity. When you live in the land of opportunity, you are on the hunt to help others and expect opportunities to open up.

C. Live in the light of eternity. Those that truly make a difference realize that they are small part of something much bigger than themselves. Those that don’t make a difference feel that they are a big part of something very small and insignificant. When you live in light of eternity, you begin to realize that there is always a next.

Have you ever woken up to not have a tomorrow?

There’s always something next. I mean if you’re breathing, then you’ve taken a next breath. If you’re walking, then you’ve taken the next step. If you went to sleep and woke up, then you’ve had a next day. Living in light of eternity gives you a different perspective on your life and the value of others’ lives. There is a next after this life. Those that make a difference realize that what you do in this life affects. Maximus (Russell Crowe) in the movie Gladiator said it well,

“What we do in this life echoes in eternity.“

As a Christian, I not only believe that what you do echoes in eternity, but that it is written in eternity. Your soul is stirred by eternity. Eternity is a gentle yearning on the soul of every man, woman, boy and girl that has ever walked upon the face of the earth. Our souls long for more, for higher and for freedom. These are the cries of eternity. Jesus was crystal clear on this topic when he said, “Do not store up for yourselves treasure on earth, but store up for yourselves treasure in heaven” (Matthew 6:19-20). Those who truly make a difference value the eternal weight of people, especially the people closest to you.

D. They live in the library. The library is where we find stories. We find good stories and bad stories. Exciting stories and boring stories. There are only two places that you can live: fiction or nonfiction, fantasy or reality. Too many people spend their entire lives living in their own fiction section. Their story is fiction. A life of fiction is a life of self-deception. You can’t read yourself into a story that is already been written. Every person has a biography, but not every person has a biography worth reading.

I mean, Chick-fil-A, nailed it. They made a video called “Every Life has a Story.” It’s a vignette of walking through a restaurant and reading a caption that summarizes the story of each persons’ life both in front of and behind the counter. I tell my people all the time, we are not real people serving robots. We are not robots serving real people. We are significant people serving significant people. Seeing people as significant will make a difference in your world and their world. Treating people as significant will make even a bigger difference. The more significant you treat people, the greater the impact you can make in their life.

The greatest story ever told is the story of Jesus Christ. You want to study a story worth emulating? Study his story! If you don’t like your story, stop trying to change that which has already been written and start trying to write a new chapter. Turn the page. Get out of the fantasy and into the reality. Get out the fiction section and start writing your biography. The most powerful biographies are not the stories of great exploit and conquest, but the stories that impacted other people the most.

Conclusion

You don’t need a degree to make a difference. You don’t need money. You don’t need to be famous or appreciated. You simply need to be willingly, see a need and then respond to make difference. Irene Sendler saw a need, used what she had and did what she could. She paid a high price. Her ankles and wrists were broken from a beating at the hands of the Gestapo. She was sentenced to execution, but managed to be freed to live in hiding for the rest of the war. She wasn’t recognized until the end of her life. She was awarded the Nobel Peace Prize. She didn’t see herself as a hero. She said,

“The term ‘hero’ irritates me greatly. The opposite is true. I continue to have pangs of conscience that I did so little.”

Those who respond make a difference, those who refuse are really no different at all.

What If – The Breakthrough Question

We’ve all played the “what if” game and it has left us paralyzed, put out and powerless. What if this all goes wrong. What if this doesn’t work out. What if I fail. What if I never reach my potential or get the results I want…STOP!

If this kind of what if describes your thinking, then before you get new results, you need to get a new attitude. What if can be a powerful question, but with a negative attitude it becomes an impotent question.

I used to hate the “what if” game, until I realized how powerful of a statement it could actually be. If I view what if under a positive lens, then it can be an incredibly propelling and powerful question. However, what if is most often a question that leads us to a set of negative conclusions. Let’s imagine you could change your thinking by asking this one simple question that would then lead you to a positive conclusion or a healthy diagnosis of your present reality.

What if could become the catalyst question for your personal development or your organizational development. Perhaps, your inability to ask questions that move your thinking forward has a become a barrier to your progress. If you try an simply go around the barrier, you will depart your course or chart a path that is difficult for you team to find and follow. The barrier will do one of three things: (1) cause you to quit, (2) cause you to change course (which may or may not be the right decision) or (3) make you ask better questions that drive you to better results.

Examining Your Presuppositions

“What if” is actually a statement of future belief based upon your existing presuppositions. The problem is most of us that have played the “what if” game with negative presuppositions. When you view life through a negative lens, you get a negative picture of the future. When you allow others to poison your well with their negativity, then you get a warped view of a possible future. When something is warped, it is distorted. Negativity hyper-distorts problems, solutions and outcomes. Today many of our leaders, followers, organizations and results demonstrate a bias towards negative thinking, which is evidence of a warped & distorted lens.

Most of our “what if’s” are born of fear, not of faith. Suppose you began to have a greater belief in your future. What might that lead you to? How might that inspire you, others and your organization. See, faith frees the mind to imagine previously impossible outcomes.

Breakups that Lead to Breakthroughs

How do I get there? How do I get my organization there?

You need a breakthrough. But, before you can get to a breakthrough, you need a breakup. Now, historically, we have considered breakups to have a negative connotation. However, if you are a boat stuck in ice, in order to move, you must break up the ice. If you are a farmer with a field that needs planting, then you must break up the soil. There are thoughts that fill your mind and attitudes that fill your heart that need to be broken up. These thoughts are barriers to your growth.

“…break up your unplowed ground…” Hosea 10:12

Your unplowed ground is the hardness that has set in because of your negative view of the future. Negativity limits your possibilities of the future. It doesn’t limit God’s possibilities, but it limits your ability to access these possibilities. Before you sew the new seeds of what if that come from a renewed since of understanding and purpose, you must plow up your soil. It must be tilled. Too many leaders and organizations are stuck with unfruitful fields, because they are working with dull plows, hard ground and negative attitudes.

The seed can’t break through the soil until it’s been planted. Change is the seed. We live in a generation that doesn’t want to plant, just reap. There will be no reaping without planting, germinating and waiting. The seed must be planted in good soil. The seed must germinate and be nurtured. And then you must wait. But, if you have done all you can do, then you have to allow God to do what only He can do—give the increase. Many of your dreams, ideas and what if’s don’t produce because you didn’t give them to God to supply the increase. If you believe in God, let me ask you a question: Who can make the seed grow better: You or God?

The answer is unequivocally God. Promotion is from God. Increase is from God. Never forget that you did not create your own success–you simply went to work adn God joined in. God has given you favor and granted you an opportunity to steward more. So, when a breakthrough happens, this is God allowing you an opportunity for more–don’t waste opportunities God gives you.

Breaking Through

Breakthrough is a sudden and dramatic change that leads to a more positive position in the future or path to a new future and changes the trajectory of growth.

When the seed breaks through the soil, something new is happening. Organizations get stuck, because they want instantaneous turn around. Let me make this clear, You don’t need to turn around, unless you are going the wrong direction! I can, actually, be going the right direction, but have my progress impeded. In this case, it’s not a new course you need, but a new change.

Organizations, teams and leaders need change, because without change there will never be transformation. Change is the process by which something undergoes specific and distinct steps that leads to transformation.

Tim Tassopolous, President of Chick-fil-A, says a breakthrough “is a critical change that creates dramatic improvement and sustains results.”

The reason we don’t see more breakthroughs is we have a callous attitude instead of a constructive & critical attitude. Now, I’m not reverting back to negativity, in critical I mean a “significant and constructive” attitude willing to acknowledge error and correct immediately as needed. Breaking through can be difficult. If you think you have experienced a breakthrough, but don’t see a dramatic improvement, then your change only created more callousness and confusion. The other idea Tim communicates is that this breakthrough creates a path that sustains results. Consistency is one of the keys to excellence and trust. If something is inconsistent, then ultimately it will become distrusted. But, when something or someone is consistent, then trust builds.

The Force before the Fruit

If you are looking for results before you experience a true and lasting breakthrough, then you will most likely be disappointed, which will lead you back to more entrenched negativity. But, if, like a patient farmer, you nurture the change, when it comes it will be sudden, dramatic and lasting. The reason why is because you let the energy that is growing within the change get to the point of no return. Too often, despite good intentions, leaders try to rush the growth process. This robs the process of its power. When the plant is ready to breakthrough the soil, then the force will be adequate and sustaining. If you try to pull the plant out of the seed, out of the soil, you will destroy the growth and life in the thing.

Let the force build in the change, and the fruit of sustainability and improvement will be lasting and impactful.

Conclusion

What if is a powerful question that if viewed with a positive attitude can be a catalyst for the breakthrough that has been eluding you or your organization. This question can lead you to dream and see beyond where you currently are. What if is really a question about more, not less. God has more for you, but in order to receive this, you must give more to God. Sadly, too often, we give God less and expect more from him. This demonstrates our desire to be in control and our lack of faith.

The rest of the verse in Hosea says, “…for it is the time to seek the LORD, that he may come and rain righteousness upon you.” Seeking the Lord is seeking a breakthrough. When you hear from God, everything changes. Your faith grows and then comes the rain. Rain in the Bible is a sign of God’s favor and blessing. What if you set your heart on seeking God and allowed him to refine your attitudes and thoughts — what change might you really see then?

Bottom Line: Breakthroughs Lead to Blessings.

5 Things I’m Teaching My Kids About Life

Common sense is on life support. Parents, coaches and leaders better get these lessons into the lives of their children, pupils and followers are this next generation will see the death of common sense complete.

“Common sense is not a gift, it’s a punishment, because you have to deal with everyone who doesn’t have it!” ~anonymous

Common Sense that is becoming Uncommon

#1 – Life is hard. Kids today think that life is supposed to be easy. Technology has created a digital bubble around people today. Air conditioning, indoor plumbing, the internal combustion engine (which I would not enjoy living without) and the Internet have made our lives much more comfortable than any generation to ever live upon the face of the earth before us. Don’t let you kids get away with the “easy way.” Make your kids finish what they start and start something worth finishing. Quitting is easy. Debt is easy. Lying and cheating are easy. Avoid these things. Hold those around you accountable and let them know life is hard. We live in a hard world. Your goal is not to raise hard children, but prepared adults. Your kids are going to have birthdays, but it doesn’t mean they are prepared for the realities of life outside your home.

The fact is simple: 26 years old is the new 18. It is taking longer for children to grow up. They are aging, but not maturing. Your responsibility, parent, is to foster and facilitate maturation in your child. In case no one ever told you, your job is to launch your kids out of the nest and into the world where they can build their own nest, start a family and be a productive member of society–not a perpetual guest in your home! Life is hard out there and so they want to stay inside your bubble as long as possible.

Don’t raise quitters. Letting your children quit when something gets difficult doesn’t help your kids. Make them work through it. Recently, one of our children didn’t get selected for the spot on the team she wanted and had been working for. The initial reaction was to have a reaction (both her and her dad). But, instead of reacting, I encouraged to go back to work. I told her, “Things didn’t go your way. You will face much harder things in life than this. Learn to handle adversity now and you will accomplish much in life.” It wasn’t what she wanted to hear, but it was what she needed to hear.

Parents, you have a small window to pour into your kids–don’t miss your window. There is age-appropriate adversity for your kids. You want to shield them from adult-adversity, but there are some things in their young lives that you can help them identify as adversity (hard). Then, help them work through the adversity, not around it. Also, don’t create adversity where none exists!

#2- Life is better outside. Get your kids outside. There is something that occurs in nature that can never happen inside buildings. Our nation was born of the pioneer spirit–men and women launching out to carve a nation, a town, a farm and a home out of an untamed wilderness.

Today, too many kids are afraid to go outside. They don’t like to sweat. They don’t have wifi. They don’t know what to do outside. When we were kids, we picked up a stick and found a friend. Now, kids don’t want to get their hands dirty. I am thankful (sometimes) that our youngest daughter likes to play in the dirt. She is unafraid of dirt (she just needs to leave it outside). She and her friends love to make “mud pies” and “mud cakes.”

Imagination is liberated in the outdoors. Kids spend too much screen time and not enough dream time these days. Parents, yes, digital media is here to stay, but do the world a favor and limit when, where and how long your kid has access to digital media. Courage is grown and gained by playing and exploring outdoors. There certainly needs to be limits and supervision (too many crazy people out there), but create intentional times to introduce your kids to the wonders of the world that God created. Without courage, we are raising a generation of cowards, which accelerates this whole notion of “bullying” (I’ll save that discussion for a later post). We don’t need anymore weak, pathetic, indifferent and cowardly citizens. We need courageous men and women who will stand upon convictions and fight for things worth fighting for. Those kind of adults are cultivated when they are children to be brave and confident in the face of trial and difficulty.

I built a nature trail on our land, intentionally so that my children and their friends who have a “safe” place to explore. Something mystical and magical happens in the hearts and minds of children who are able to explore the world God created. I have found that kids who are unafraid of the outdoors are much more likely to have a spectrum of healthy fears, not unhealthy fears.

We have big play parties at our house, where there are two rules: #1- don’t get a significant injure because you did something stupid & #2- you can’t come inside. Now, many people reading this don’t have a big yard or any yard for that matter. Schedule family time to take your kids to a park. A nature trail is a wonderful thing because it reminds you that you created none of this and if you were left in all of this, then you are not as big and as powerful as you think. Outside has a healthy way of humbling us! Nature teaches us lessons about imagination, creation and humiliation.

My friend Marc Heilman is a first-rate adventurer who embodies this courageous spirit (he just happens to be a world-class rock climber). I see him post pictures all the time of his boys being introduced to this courageous spirit that is developed as we explore and appreciate nature. (Read more about Marc and his world-class climbing facility and company Treadstone at www.treadstoneclimbing.com)

#3 – Life is not about you. Currently, there are over 7 billion people on planet earth. Life is far more than how you feel, what you want and when you want it. If you think carefully about that last expression, then you will discover that’s exactly how babies and toddlers think. Common sense has gone out the window and we are raising a generation-upon-generation who think the world revolves around them. Social media has heightened this.

The danger is that we are warned in the Bible that in the last days, “People will be lovers of themselves, lovers of money, boastful, proud, abusive, disobedient to their parents, ungrateful, unholy..” (2 Timothy 3:2). Sounds a lot like our world today that we are trying to raise our children in, doesn’t it? We do not want our kids to be “lovers of themselves,” but sadly this is the course the world is on. Social media had now given everyone to really make an idol out of their own lives. Through social media our “life” can be carefully crafted, constructed and edited to exactly our liking. What happens? We fall in love with ourselves. Teach your children that life is not about them, before it is too late. It is a battle, but it is a battle you can win.

#4- Life is not about more than fun. Don’t get me wrong, I love having fun. But, there is a time and place for fun–not all times and in all places! There are whole, legitimate programs about making work fun. This sounds great to millennials and those who are trying to hire millennials, rather keep them hired, but all this mindset does is short-cut reality. Life is far more than fun. Fun is not fulfilling. Fun is fleeting. As soon as you have fun, it is over. So when your goal is fun, all you ever do is look for more fun. This is a classic sign of a hedonistic society, where everything really has devolved into pleasure. Teach those who you influence that life is about fulfillment. Teach them to serve others, to build things, to create order and worship God–these things fulfill humans at the deepest levels. Fun is all about impulses and stimulation.

Fun is appropriate until it is not. We don’t have to have fun in everything we do. Teach your kids that life, their life is about far more than fun. As a parent, you create intentional times of fun paired with intentional times of work. Let “fun” come after the work is done. While you are working stress the concepts of diligence, harmony, order and joy. Teach your children that they can enjoy work and find fulfillment in work. When I was a kid, I learned to do my work quickly and thoroughly so I could go have fun, not make my work longer and less thorough because I was having “fun” or “gamifying” it.

By the way, it’s okay to let your kids bored. People today actually fear getting bored. It’s a real condition that leads to depression and suicide. Parents that fear boredom create a continuous vortex of stimulation for their kids. It is not good for humans to be constantly stimulated. The body simply is not physiologically designed to undergo constant stimulation. Stimulation does not equal satisfaction. Stimulation doesn’t heighten creativity it stifles it! Because constant stimulation short-cuts rest. The body needs rest. Sometimes a body that is bored is actually a body that needs a break. But, we are creating neurotic kids who can’t take a break and who don’t know how to rest. This is your job as a parent to teach them how to rest–not be lazy!

My mom used to “lock” us outside. Now it was safe and we lived in the country and there were multiple children and she watched from the window. But, it forced us to work together, play together and be creative. Yes, sometimes we got in trouble, but the majority of time we used our brains to come up with activities that fostered healthy social interactions, conflict resolution and taught us how to work with others.

When you force feed your kids a steady diet of stimulation, you are creating unintended stress and anxiety. The average middle schooler now has as much anxiety as a psych ward patient in the 1950’s!

#5- God is the Author of life. Life is entirely too complex and too ordered for us to be a blob or soup of parts that somehow over millions of years perfected itself into this amazing thing that we are. Ever seen a baby grow in the womb or a baby born? It is simply too amazing to believe that we are just a collection of parts. Interacting with animals, walking in nature or observing things that people did not create all have the ability to cause us to be in awe over God. Teach your children that God spoke and life began, God spoke and the world came into existence.

Teaching your kids that God is the Author of Life, then allows you to teach your kids that God is the Authority over Life. See, we have a major authority crisis in our world, in cultures, on our campuses, in our schools and most importantly in our homes. When authority in society breaks down, the society is on the brink of collapse.

Conclusion

Training your children is your responsibility. It is not the government’s, the school’s or the church’s. If God had wanted it that way, he would have given your kids to those entities. The most valuable lessons your kids will learn will be at home–if you spend anytime at home. We need an intentional generation who will raise their children up on common sense. The greatest common sense I have ever found is written plainly on the pages of the Bible. It’s hard to have common sense if reading your Bible is a very uncommon activity for you and your family. These five things will help your family and your children lead an uncommon life with great common sense!

Leadership is an Exercise in Patience

Leadership is like a muscle. It doesn’t grow just because you want it to. It doesn’t grow because you dream of it growing. Growth and skilled leadership take real work, hard work and most of all patience. Hard work means patience. Hard work means practice. This combination of practice and patience establish the rhythm by which the leadership muscle is perfected.

“But let patience have its perfect work, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking nothing.”

James 1:5 (NKJV)

Me as a freshman at Hardin-Simmons University, 1995. An impatient outside linebacker.

Those Who Stay will be Champions

I played five sports (football, basketball, baseball, wrestling and soccer) in high school and in all of them our practice-to-game ratio was a combined average about 3:1 or 4:1. That means we practiced 300 to 400% more than we played games! And that was during the season. Each season before the first game, we practiced nearly a month before the first game. That means before our first significant test, match or game it was a nearly 20-25:1 ratio –2000-2500% more practice before the first game! I think when you start to break down hours spent in practice versus hours spent in game time, the ratio is probably much more pronounced. I would go on to the next level. Little did I know as you advance in athletics, in life, in relationships and especially in leadership, the next level always requires more patience. I watched many players start with a lot of talk, but grew impatient quickly and quit.

Higher levels = more practice. I discovered this playing NCAA III football at Hardin-Simmons University in Abilene, Texas under Head Coach and West Texas legend, Jimmie Keeling, who loved to practice. He’d say things like “Men, this is where we get better” as you had sweat pouring in your eyes in the 116 degree West Texas oven. Nearly, every day in team meeting he would say “W-I-N. What’s Important Now?” and he would go on to say things like, “Practice, men, practice…” in his west Texas drawl with a sly smile and a twinkle in his eye. Too many developing leaders view practice as a waste of time. This does not allow for healthy development in leadership acumen.

Always one to value my personal time, I calculated that between three-a-days (three practices a day in summer), working out, watching film, meetings, actual practice time, team meals, extra work and logistics, I spent anywhere from 80-100 hours some weeks for a 3 hour football game of which a starter would be on the field 20-30 minutes of actually game time. With the average play lasting only 6-8 seconds, college football is primarily a game of preparation for a split second of execution. Just like leadership, many decisions have to be made in a split second. That’s why in football, you drill, drill, drill and more drill. Many leaders don’t think that what they are doing when they are waiting matters. They couldn’t be more wrong! There is not a wasted play or wasted practice in leadership development. Preparation finds its identity in practice. Practice it’s perfection in repetition. Patience and practice have a way of weeding people out. Coach Keeling with an astounding combined college and high school coaching record of 368-144-11, used to always say “Those who stay will be champions!” He meant if you lose sight of the goal and get impatient, then you will never achieve what you started out after. He meant patience is the key to success.

“Those who stay will be champions!”

Former Hardin-Simmons Head Football Coach and one of my Heroes,

Jimmie Keeling

Leadership is Perfected in Practice

Leadership is not a game. It is a continual, commitment that requires and demands practice. Leadership is perfected in and only in practice. Great players didn’t come out of the womb great. They came out gifted. It’s the combination of practice and patience that fostered greatness.

An impatient leader is a poor leader. Zeal and enthusiasm are important in leadership, but single-handedly they cannot produce growth. But, they can sure produce a lot of frustration. Impatient leaders don’t produce good followers, more leaders or greater inlfluence. Impatient leaders produce the fruits of frustration and exhaustion. The reality is impatient leaders produce anxiety, accelerate stress and create a climate of more impatience. Impatience is water running downhill. It erodes and the quicker it moves the faster it erodes.

Patience is not a barrier. Barriers are concrete objects that prevent progress. Barriers have to smashed. Leaders do little smashing and lots of chiseling. Patience is a boundary. Boundaries can be rescinded or extended. A boundary gives you space to operate in and grow in.

Patience Means Sometimes You Walk Away

Wise leaders establish boundaries, organize the work and walk away. This is not the walking away of irresponsibility, but the walking away of patience. Your followers will never grow if you don’t give them room. But this is room inside the boundaries. There is a time where mature leaders must walk away and allow their immature, developing leaders the opportunity to learn patience. Even among millennial leaders (who demand constant feedback), I intentionally give them more space than they are comfortable with. Now, a wise leader walks away to an elevated position of observation, but not so far away they are unable to engage in a moment of need.

The Lesson of the Lifeguard

Like the lifeguard stationed at the deep end of a pool, take up a position that allows you to observe the confidence, competence and judgment of the leader you just let loose.

When they start to overexert themselves, let them sink a little. This requires patience on their part and your part. Sometimes, they thrash violently, but then regain equilibrium. Leave them alone at this point. But, when their sinking is causing others to go under or everyone starts getting out of the pool, then decisively, directly and without discussion dive in the pool and rescue them. It takes patience to sit and watch a young leader struggle, but they will not grow without patience, both their own and yours.

The half-drowned swimmer looks at the lifeguard and says, “You almost let me drown. Why did you wait so long!?“

The lifeguard smiles and replies softly, “Are you sill breathing? Now, get back in there and do it again.”

Millennial Leadership Lesson #1- Execution trumps Examination

Leadership Lesson #1 : Execution trumps Examination

(Implementation over Intentions & Inspection)

If all you do is identify solutions to the problem, but never implement steps to solve the problem, then you are part of the problem.

Every organization, every team and every set of relationship is going to have problems. The questions is not “Do we have problems?” But, rather, “How do we solve this particular problem in a way that we don’t have to repeat it?” The key is execution over examination. Examination is needed, but it’s easy.

Execution is the hard thing and hard things need hard hats! (Well get to that analogy in a moment).

The challenge in many of our organizations is that we have given the millennial generation new titles, new responsibilities, new salaries and new authorities, but we haven’t taught them how to solve old problems. We’ve created a culture of constant feedback, which devolves into a bunch of solutions with little to no implementation. A bunch of discussion never solved a problem, but a bunch of people might. Thus, it is critical to bring your people into a progression that leads to more implementation, not more discussion. Solutions are only solutions if they lead to results, otherwise, you’ve created more examination without execution. Don’t miss this, there is a time for a examination, but examination never solved a problem. Identification is not execution. Be careful in your leadership that you don’t mistake assessing the problem as correcting the problem.

A solution without implementation only creates more frustration.

Organizations have learned that Millennials need feedback like no other generation before. This has contributed to more meetings, more discussion with fewer results. Healthy organizations avoid round-and-round discussions that don’t lead to implementation. Unhealthy organizations, teams and groups come up with constant solutions from frequent discussions that lead to action but no traction. This is more than coming up with a list of action items at your next meeting. Implementation requires a problem, a priority, a plan and implementation. You can have action without implementation.

What is Implementation?

Implementation is traction. Implementation is execution. Implementation is not an idea. Implementation is the process by which a plan is executed. Implementation requires intentional and definitive steps. These steps lead to points of no return. Until a leader, an organization and a team determines that collectively “they will not go back,” then implementation is not a reality.

Implementation is a serious commitment by those involved in the direction, activation and accountability of the organization to address a problem and execute a plan to correct the issue.

Inspectors vs. Hard Hats

Leaders are not inspectors, they are hard hats. A hard hat is someone on a construction site who has a tool belt, tools and the knowledge to “go to work.” Hard hats wear their hat every day, because they are going to place themselves in a potentially dangerous place to make progress and execute the building plans. Hard hats see the difficulty and address the solutions in reality that produces a stable outcome.

Leadership is hard work, thus it requires a hard hat.

Inspectors are around the work, but not in the work. Inspectors like to walk around job-sites to examine how things are going to be done. Remember, implementation is not examination, it is execution!

A good construction supervisor or general contractor will do such an efficient and effective job on his job that the inspector has little to see or do. Inspectors don’t get dirty, they simply identify problems, address what code is unmet, and then, talk about solutions. It is up to the hard hats to go to work and get it done. Leadership meets and exceeds the standard. Leadership is more than talking about solutions, it is getting results. This is the same mentality that leaders in any organization must take in order to implement real solutions to real problems. Inspectors love to diagnosis problems and dream up solutions. Hard hats love digging in and getting dirty to solve the problem. Only math problems are solved on paper, every other kind of problem is solved by real people who actually implement a solution.

Many organizations correctly diagnosis a problem and identify a solution, but then fail to actually implement that solution to completion. A construction project is not finished until the “punch list” has been checked off and the job completed. Too many leaders leave unfinished work for someone else to come along and try to solve. Leaders who fail to implement their solutions are immature, weak or lazy. None of which inspire confidence in their followers.

Leaders who fail to follow through will ultimately fail to keep followers.

If you read this article and you realize that you don’t have as much trust from senior leadership in your organization or no one ever implements your solutions, then most likely you are largely ineffective as a leader. You are carrying the clipboard of an inspector, instead of strapping on your tool belt of a hard hat and getting the job d0ne. A leader, by definition, has influence and can influence others toward a goal or result. If you are constantly frustrated by the lack of others’ willingness to embrace your ideas and solutions, then you probably need a healthy dose of self-examination.

“Plans are only good intentions unless they immediately degenerate into hard work.”

Peter Drucker

Growing Up vs. Getting Better – Lessons for Millennial Leaders & Organizations

Getting better is a waste of time. Growing up is not.

Because we live in a self-obsessed culture where everyone can be everything and do anything based upon how you think or how you feel, “getting better” no longer has the same implications and implicit meaning that it once did. Getting better was once a very objective term. Now, it has become extraordinarily subjective. Once, if I had “gotten better” I had actually achieved something or grown. Now, “getting better” simply means that you or someone around you thinks they see improvement. Getting better is now about getting a response or a reaction, whereas, growing up is about real results.

How do you measure getting better?

You don’t really. You look in the mirror, you take self-assessment or you rate your personal satisfaction. Getting better has become more about feeling that fact. Getting better has become more about perception than progression. Getting better has become more about appearance than substance. You will make some adjustment or a series of adjustments that feel like measurements and you smile a smile of self-satisfaction, yet you still wonder why the others around you haven’t noticed how much better you are, why your influence and your productivity hasn’t increased, why you didn’t get promoted and why you didn’t get the results that you really wanted.

The reason why?

Simply, you haven’t really grown or grown enough to make a difference. So, you take the next step and you hire a coach or get a consultant–you look and find an outside voice that can help you “get better.” Now, you have an “unbiased source” to help you determine where exactly you need to get better and some new techniques and strategies that will assist you in becoming a better version of you. Except this unbiased source is not really unbiased, because you are paying them or they are looking to use your story as their example. Let me describe to you the best outside source…a person that can benefit nothing, but the reward of self-satisfaction of helping you grow. Find someone who will engage you on a brutally honest level and give you the straight facts, who at the risk of damaging the relationship will tell you the truth. I have found this to be the best mirror (outside the Bible) that any leader desiring growth can have.

Focus on Personal Growth

Let me shoot it straight with you, stop focusing on getting better, being a better version of you and start discovering how, where and why you need to grow.

The idea of personal growth has become lost in a raging river of self-improvement, enhancement and initiatives. An organization grows not because it gets better people, but rather, because the people they have are actually growing and developing.

Enter the millennial…there is a mystery in development for the millennial leader and those attempting to develop the millennial leader. But, many organizations are becoming organizations that have adopted a millennial mindset. This too is a problem. Millennials and millennially-minded organizations have a difficult time fathoming why others don’t see the growth in them, the potential in them and how good they can be–even though they feel they are growing. Millennials see growth as a continuous vortex of getting better that contains lots of movement and activity. But, they are missing one thing: growth. And growth means maturity. Maturity has levels, stages and seasons. Maturity is measurable. Getting better is an idea.

Growth = Maturity

Getting Better ≠ Maturity

Getting Better = Perpetual Immaturity

Growth means you have reached a new stage in maturity. Leaders and organizations must reach new stages in maturity, because without the new level of maturity (growth) then they have actually plateaued. The plateau is often where “getting better” gets stuck. When a leader or an organization gets stuck, then getting better means a lot of activity without a lot of productivity. Maturity yields higher productivity. For example, the more mature a muscle is means the more strength it contains and the heavier the load it can carry. Thus, by this analogy, maturity also produces as a by-product strength, force or in the case of an individual or organization, influence.

Getting better doesn’t mean you have more influence. An organization or individual that spends the majority of it’s time focused on getting-better that has developed into self-centered, image management will fail in its environment, community or market to grow influence. Don’t miss this: getting better doesn’t equal greater influence. This is what millennials and millennially-minded 0rganizations don’t understand. This is what an organization that is catering to the millennial mindset of getting better is missing. Your leadership hasn’t grown if your influence hasn’t grown.

Getting better has become a catch-phrase. It says everything, but means nothing. It includes everyone, but hold no one accountable. Getting better has become an excuse for poor performance, a lack of results and at the bottom of it all, justification for immaturity. We can blame Millennials all we want, but first, it’s the fault of their leaders, executives, parents, coaches, teachers, principals and educators for not demanding that they grow up. Second, the fault then lies with the Millennial for not recognizing and responding to their need to grow up. Instead, we have created a climate where getting better has replaced growing up.

Getting better is not a direction nor a destination, growth is. A spirit of continuous improvement is a wonderful thing. However, a spirit of perpetual mediocrity is a terrible thing. The idea behind a spirit of continuous improvement means that you are actually improving or maturing in your development or growth. Sadly, too many leaders in too many organizations, departments and positions have replaced the true spirit of continuous improvement with a spirit of perpetual motion. There is a danger in continuous motion (unless you are the earth spinning on its axis, but you aren’t). Leaders today are confusing motion with maturation. Maturation arrives after the growing pains and once healthy, sustainable production occurs. Too many young, millennial leaders or millennial-minded organizations don’t experience maturity, because at the first sign of pain they retreat or move away from it or they spend too much time diagnosing and re-diagnosing the symptoms without solutions. Healthy organizations and mature leaders accept the pain as part of the process. Unfortunately, many leaders and organizations see the pain as weakness and something that needs to be improved upon or a closed door. Worse they deny the pain really exists, excusing it for part of the process. The reality is the pain signifies that something has or is breaking down.

Getting better misses the mark of mastery. If you really want to be outstanding or excellent then your focus must be on mastery. Mastery is based on an apprentice/master model. Historically, someone wanted to learn a trade and would apprentice themselves to a “master” or expert for 7, 10 or 14 years and sometimes even longer. The length of time depended upon the trade or craft or the ability of the apprentice to learn. Some trades today still use this highly effective model. Unfortunately, with the pace that most organizations are moving, younger leaders are not given time or a path to grow effectively in an organization. Thus, the game of “getting better” escalates. Information does not signify mastery. Knowledge does not signify mastery. Wisdom is the best indicator of mastery. Maturity is also a pretty good sign.

If you want to do something valuable for your organization, then grow. Don’t waste your time on the continuous cycle of getting better. Don’t use buzzwords and catch-phrases that make you sound more intelligent, but haven’t given you any more wisdom. Don’t walk around the gym, change your diet, get new work-out clothes and never get to work. Don’t wash the car, clean the windows, get new air-freshner, shine the seats and vacuum out the floor, but leave the gas tank empty!

Growth takes time, which explains why it is so unpopular. Getting better can happen right now or yesterday. Getting better can act as a great cloak of deception or a subtle fog of delusion. If all your focus, attention and metrics are focused on your perceived notion of measurement, then all you are doing is practicing the art of self-fulfilling prophecy. Growth takes commitment, which explains why else it is so unpopular. There are no magic pills to actually have expertise in a field, but there are many self-anointed experts with plenty of magic to share. Talk to any aged and learned leader that had any modicum of success and what you will find is lots of hard work, lots of time, lots of struggle and lots of lessons and different seasons of growth were apart of the journey. Getting better doesn’t teach us lessons, it lessens our teaching.

10,000 Hour Rule

Malcolm Gladwell in his popular book Outliers: The Story of Success says that if you want to have mastery of a skill, an instrument or anything really, mastery in such a way that it becomes “second nature,” then you have to perform that activity for at least 10,000 hours. It also can’t just be the same motion, but it must be a deliberate progression under the guidance and tutelage of another who has already achieved. This is not a consultant, but an instructor.

Communicating with people is a skill. Leading people is a skill. Conflict resolution is a skill. All the facets of leadership, including influence, are not achieved because we’ve “gotten better.” Growth, these 10,000 hours, requires discipline, direction and a price to be paid. If I practice something just 1 hour a day, then it will take me a little more than 27 years to learn something. Okay, let’s say in regards to leadership and communicating, by proxy in your work environment, you spend 4 hours a day of real interaction and leadership training & development with others (not in a cubicle or behind a computer screen or smart phone), then (minus weekends) it will still take you almost 10 years to achieve 10,000 hours. This is why we don’t see great leadership everywhere all the time, despite the fact that we think we are “getting better.”

Little Girls & Cornets

I can get better at something by only spending a few hours at something. I listen to my two youngest daughters play their cornets almost every weekday around 6:30am (it’s certainly a way to wake the household up). They get better each week (most of the time) by very slight degree. It might take them several weeks or a month or an entire semester to prepare a piece for a performance and they’ve been doing it for two years. They are fortunate in that they have an excellent instructor and they started young, so they are progressing, growing rapidly. I encourage them, but I lack the skill to instruct them. Today’s millennially-minded organizations and leaders are mistaking encouragement for instruction. We tell them that they are “getting better,” but they haven’t grown until they can pass the test that their instructor gives.

Why have I said all this?

Because, getting better no longer means the same thing that it once meant. “Getting better” has become an anecdote, a catch-phrase and organizational jargon. I encourage you to strike it out of your vocabulary. It simply doesn’t carry the same weight or meaning that it did for years. Instead, talk about maturity, talk about growth. Consider for a moment your health. You can get better and still be sick. But, if you are growing, then you are getting healthy. Getting better no longer means you are getting healthy, although we often think it does. Getting better has become a delusion and a deception for many that think they are growing, but are not. Stop focusing on getting better and start working on growing.

Find a Giant

Find a giant and learn from them. A giant is taller than you will ever be and always shows you that despite how good and how much you think you have gotten better. When you measure against a giant you always fall short, but you still keep measuring to chart your growth. The giant represents someone that has achieved results, maturity and health that is worthy of emulation. Giants humble us, but they help us. They help us grow up. They reveal to us where our weaknesses, our opportunities and our immaturities are. The danger for many millennials and millennially-minded organizations is they believe they have become the giant. There is great danger in this mentality, because it is filled with pride and that is when “giants fall.” Giants who don’t consider themselves giants, stand strong and firm for a long time (but that’s another lesson for another day).

Too many of our young leaders today are measuring themselves against dwarfs, not giants. You need giants in your organization. You need giants in your life. You need giants to surround you. Giants, in this example, represent where you want to go and how much you need to grow. If all you ever do is surround yourself with dwarfs, you will be deluded into thinking you are much taller, much more mature than you really are and much more able than you really are. Find a giant and you will either realize how much you have to grow or you will run the other direction back to the land of dwarfs.

Conclusion

Success is not found because we desire it, but because we work for it and we measure for it–often for a very long time. We can get better and never achieve success. However, it is hard to separate growth from success. It’s not the desire for success that will sustain your growth trajectory, but your discipline, your 10,000 hours, your unrelenting measurement against giants that will keep you humble enough to work harder, stay longer and listen better than your contemporaries.

“Success is a function of persistence and doggedness and the willingness to work hard for 22 minutes to make sense of something that most people would give up on after 30 seconds.”

~Malcolm Gladwell

Alex Vann Leadership

Author Archives: Alex Vann

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