Author Archives: Alex Vann

New Year, Old Problems

Problems following you into the new year?

It’s easy to feel handicapped, hindered and even at a disadvantage because of the circumstances and situations of your life. You want a new year, a fresh start but, those tired, old troubles have followed you across the invisible timeline of one year to the next.

Helen Keller, handicapped and blind in an era where there were virtually no resources or accessibility for her situation said this,

“I thank God for my handicaps, for through them I have found myself, my work, and my God.”

It’s a matter of pursuit and perspective. If your end goal is to find what you are missing out on, then you will always strive as one beating the air. But, if you approach the hinderance/handicap as an opportunity for self-discovery, then you may discover far more about yourself than you expected.

But, moreover, the adversity could lead you to a deeper understanding and relationship with Your Creator, God.

And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to his purpose. (Romans 8:28)image

Nick Vujicic, born without arms and legs says,

“Life isn’t about having, it’s about being. You could surround yourself with all that money can buy, and you’d still be as miserable as a human can be. I know people with perfect bodies who don’t have half the happiness I’ve found.”

Too many people miss this: Be the best you, you can be. Stop trying to dream up some perfect you. Stop comparing yourself to other humans.

You don’t measure yourself against people, they are flawed and full of imperfections just like you. Rather, compare against perfection, Jesus Christ and you’ll see that all fall short.

Your problems don’t define you. You, as a living, breathing human, get to define your problems. With God’s help these “obstacles” can become opportunities for God to do some amazing work both in you and through you. Moreover, often in-spite of you.

Life, because we live outside the Garden and we are all subjected to the futility of sin, will always be filled with adversity.

Have you considered thanking God for your adversity?

That sounds strange, but it could be the first step in your road to victory.

Handicaps will produce inconvenience and obstacle, but our attitude and actions don’t have to end in frustration, futility or failure.

If God is for us, then who (or what) can be against us?
Romans 8:31

New Year, Old problems

Old problems, New Perspective!

God’s Agents: Immeasurable Capacity

The average human has misjudged their capacity for God.

Charles Spurgeon

Our finite minds have to be supernaturally stretched in order to begin, just begin to grasp the infinite nature and capacity of God. Our minds, would literally be blown. Sit for a minute and meditate on eternity. If you succeed in this meditation, you have achieved at ingesting the most minuscule crumb of how infinite God is. Now meditate on all you could achieve in this life, all you could accomplish, all you could do. Do you see how limited you are? You are exhaustable. God is inexhaustable. You are fathomable. God is unfathomable. You have a beginning and an end. God has no beginning and no end.

This explains two things: why God does not choose the intelligent & wise of this world
and why the God-man Jesus, Immanuel, revealed himself to us. The intelligent of this world will always try and grasp or calculate or rationalize the impossibility of One who is all possibilities and infinite. Paul in writing to the Corinthians made this point, “Where is the one who is wise? Where is the scribe? Where is the debater of this age? Has not God made foolish the wisdom of the world?” (1 Corinthians 1:20). He goes on to say that it is not from the wisdom of this world that we will ever come to know God (v. 21).  This world and its most intelligent people will try to create their own understanding of eternity, instead of confessing their inability and subsequent need of help/rescue/salvation. Then, upon their creation will revell in their perceived understanding–they will glory and elevate themselves instead of giving God the Maker of Heaven and Earth glory. Isn’t that the way of man, we create and achieve with some semblence of humility, but upon the recognition of others, the cursed pride that lurks within exposes itself and we become puffed up in our knowledge and recognition of others. Rare is the individual who can receive the praise of man and be completely unaffected by it.

Jesus of Nazareth is Immanuel, God with us. Jesus is the revelation of God. All of the unfathomableness of God was wrapped up into the life of Jesus. He chose to withhold his glory while on earth, yet for one time upon the Mt. of Transfirguration (Matthew 17:1-12). He who is unlimited and infinite limited himself to finite strictures to be like his creation in every way, except one–sin. The fullness of God dwells in him (Col. 1:19). Therefore, he is able to reconcile “all things” (both finite and infinite) to himself through the peace he made on the cross (Col. 1:20).

Thus, upon rebirth through Jesus Christ, God has poured both his love and his Spirit (Romans 5:5) into our hearts satisfying the immutable cry of eternity that resides permanently there (Ecc. 3:11). Then, ability and capacity should become lost to us. The single question is whether we will obey or not. We judge the capacity of others and ourselves wrongly entirely too often in light of the “immeasurable greatness of his power for those who believe” (Eph. 1:19).

How can my capacity for God be rightly judged? It cannot be weighed by any device of human invention, machination or exploration. For your capacity for God is invisible and can only be weighed by that which is invisible. You cannot weigh invisble things with visible things. God’s Word is then our lens through which we begin to understand invisible things–God’s Word pronounces right judgment. Studying the life and teachings of Jesus is then where we see God’s invisible become visible. Then, it is God’s Spirit at work in us and through us that brings invisibility to visibility. He is the marriage for the Pentecost Christian of the mortal and the immortal, the mutable and the immutable, the incapcitated and the God-capcitated.

Faith is thus the pronouncement of God’s ability in all circumstances, in all situations, and at all times. Faith is not your acceptance of God’s ability, nature and will. Faith is the transcendent belief that has activated all the courses of your inner-being into total agreement and transformation that God is real and he is able. We misjudge our capacity for God, because we misjudge God. We misjudge our capacity for God, because we don’t know Jesus. We misjudge our capacity for God, because His Spirit is not our comforter, teacher and guide. We misjudge our capacity for God, because we have allowed others to confine and unconfinable God.

The Curse & Cure of Stubbornness

Being stubborn can be more of a curse than a blessing.


Some people are born stubborn. They come from a long line of stubborn mothers or fathers or both!  Stubborn babies are being born everywhere, everyday. But, healthy adults don’t stay infantile and juvenile, they mature! Being born stubborn or having stubborn parents is no excuse for you to stay stubborn.

stubborn
The word “stubborn” most likely derives in Old English from the term “stiff-bourne“; meaning “born with a stiff-neck” (which was not a compliment). It meant full of pride, blinded by pride. 

When you are full of pride on the inside, it makes you stiff, stubborn and creates strife with others” John C. Maxwell


The following are reasons why stubbornness is a curse and will cause immaturity to reign in and over your life causing you to miss promotions, opportunities and relationships.

The Curse

1. Stubborn People are often Stagnant People. Being stubborn is a cap to your personal growth and development. Unless, you are like 90 to 100 years old (they’ve earned the right to be stubborn!), your stubbornness is most likely causing you to stagnate. Stagnation is literally you becoming dull. Your stubbornness can dull your skill set, dull your heart, and dull your mind. Your light grows dim.

2. Stubborn people are often Ear-Plug People. Basically, your stubbornness causes you to be a bad listener. Stubborn people aren’t quick to draw conclusions, because they’ve already drawn the conclusion before you speak! Ear-Plug People don’t want to hear it, don’t want to discuss it and can’t fathom that there could be a view point that has value other than their personal bent.

3. Stubborn People appear to others as Pompous People. Because stubbornness leads to poor listening, others draw conclusions based on stubborn behavior. These conclusions from others often view the stubborn one as aloof, arrogant and or pompous. Pompous people are filled with plastic and shallow relationships. Authentic, transparent people stay away from the pompous.

4. Stubborn People are often viewed as Stupid People. Stupid in the sense of “being slow to understand, as in a haze or fog.” Listen, you may not be the most intelligent person in your circle, but, your stubbornness only exacerbates the appearance that you are even less intelligent–literally, stumbling through the fog with no clear sense of direction! Stupid literally can mean “of no understanding.” When stupidity births stubbornness everyone involved looses.

5. Stubborn People become Forgotten People. They are not forgotten in the sense that they aren’t remembered (in fact, just the opposite, they are memorable for the wrong reasons). But, forgotten in the sense that when the organization moves forward they are left behind. Competency aside, this often explains why stubborn people don’t get promoted, don’t get selected or don’t get invited when they feel they are fully deserving–others don’t!

 

The Cure 

The Key to overcoming stubbornness: Sensitivity. You can be a person who holds to strong character and conviction, yet still has a willing spirit and the ability to yield. You won’t be viewed as stubborn, rather as reasonable, yet, with deep convictions. Sensitivity leads us to love or love produces in us a sensitivity towards others that is often lacking when stubbornness rules. Without such sensitivity the stiffness of your heart, neck and life are heading for unwanted brokenness and loss.

Be not like a horse or a mule, without understanding, which must be curbed with bit and bridle, or it will not stay near you.Psalm 32:9

The Recipe for Relational Destruction: Bad Friendships!

Instead of our relationships getting deeper, growing better friendships and establishing stronger bonds; we live in an age of increasingly shallower relationships that create more frustration than satisfaction, more bondage than liberation and more betrayal than loyalty.

Ethan and Raegan

Ever had a friendship suffer, decay or die? Ever had a bad friend?

To say that you have a “bad friend” really means that you don’t have a friend at all. You have a relationship that is probably one-sided and costs one party much more than the other will ever attempt to give. It is often hard to let relationships go. Why? Because, we as human beings were designed to do life in a syncronicity of relationships. Relationships rise and relationships fall. Relationships grow and relationships die. Friendships are much the same. Sometimes, we are much slower to realize what’s really at play with some of the relationships we are fully engaged in. But are they really friendships? Just because you have 300, 500 or 2,000 friends of Facebook, Twitter or any other mode of social media, doesn’t mean even a fraction of these are your true friends. Just because you have 10 or 20 “friends” you can hang out with, etc., doesn’t mean these people are true friends.

The world, this nation, your community and your family all need true and lasting friendships.

The best friendships are mutually beneficial. The best friendships are a collaboration of give-and-give-and-I-can’t-wait-to-give-some-more! The best friendships are not all about the “take” they are about “receive.”

You can “take” a gift from someone and feel nothing but contempt, indifference, arrogance, or justification to the giver. Often, the giver continues to give harder in order to gain approval and acceptance. If you are working to gain either approval or acceptance from a “friend” the relationship is based on a false foundation or bottom. This is why so many relationships hit rock bottom so quickly or so unexpectedly (at least to one of the parties).

Consider the “Bought-Relationship”: The bought relationship is one where submission must first be given, superiority established and dues paid. You can work as hard as you want at the “relationship” and only ever gain frustration. Sometimes, this explains why you may become “friends”  in a fraternity or sorority and after college you may never see them (or want to see) ever again. The relationship that is built on continual acceptance is the basis for a foundationless and false friendship. If you understand this then you won’t be disappointed in these types of relationships. Friendships can foster from these environments, but the superior-inferior relationship is not based on freedom and equality. Often, marriages devolve into this kind of pattern where each spouse is keeping track of debts the other one is amassing. Then in one spouse’s mind it gives them an edge of superiority over the other–a recipe for decay.

Among “friendships” there are Takers and Receivers. Since, the core of friendship is love, and love by it’s nature is to be shared/given. Then, the prerequisite for friendship is not necessarily in how well you give, but in your ability to both give and receive. Bad Friends (who aren’t really your friends) are Users and Takers. They use what you have or have access to and are always ready to take more. They are selfish to their core and you merely exist in their life because you represent a conduit of access. A friend is not a friend if they are using your access to improve their existence–this is manipulation.

A True Friend is an Applier and a Receiver. The difference is in the intention. A true friend graciously receives what you give and applies it appropriately. This can be time spent together, a meeting, a conversation, a trust or a physical gift.Deep within a true friend lies the recognition that what is given as a gift is a measure of who the giver is. This is often why true friends give one another really good gifts–they both know how to give and receive in equal measure.

True Friends Have Souls Knit-Together

In the Bible, David and Jonathan are a picture of this type of true friendship. Literally, their friendship is described as their “souls being knit together.” When you connect on this level with another the fabrics of your lives are deeply intertwined and a nearly unbreakable bond is established. Trust and truth abound. Loyalty is inherent in this friendship, because any outside ripping or pulling of the friendship fabric affects both people. If this seems like a little “too deep end” for your friendships, then most likely, your friendships, although, genuine probably hover on very superficial and shallow areas of the relationship. Friends whose souls are knit-together will undergo risk, adveristy and trials for one another. And when the dust clears, the friendship has been strengthened by this kind of adversity.

There is great wisdom on friendship in the Bible, “A friend loves at all times, and a brother is born for a time of adversity.” Proverbs 17:17. These are true friends, reliable, loving and loyal in adversity. We must aspire and work to be such friends to those in our lives.

What say you?

The Realm of Stupid Leadership

The Realm of Stupid Leadership

Leadership knowledge does not make a person into a great leader. However, we live in an age where information is available in heaps and everyone has become an expert. There is a myth, a lie that everyone can be a leader. This is what I call, “The Realm of Stupid Leadership” and it is pervasive in our culture.

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In fairness, everyone can exhibit some leadership traits or qualities, but that doesn’t make you a leader. You can occupy a leadership role or position and not be a leader. In my research, experience and observation true leaders are born–always have been always will be. The rest are just followers dressed up like leaders believing their own press, social media clippings, and heaping up mountains of knowledge–wanna-be’s!

There are Three Types of People in the Realm of Leadership:

#1 – Those who know they are followers. These are people who definitively know they are not leadership material. In fact, these people will cast off any mantle of leadership; unless, it is absolutely thrust upon them. Even, then, when a true leader appears, they will quickly and gladly pass the mantle. The leadership mantle makes these people very uncomfortable, it is a burden and weight they can’t wait to pass on or get rid of. These people want to be led. They want responsibility, but not the leadership responsibility. These people tend to be great in an organization. They are ready, willing and able to be led. They are the most valuable commodity any organization has! They make their leaders’ lives pleasant and productive. They are the silent master-cog in any organization.

#2 – Those who know they are leaders. These are people who definitively know that they are born-leaders. They always have been. Since, childhood or their earliest opportunity they have been expressing their style of leadership on their peers for as long as they can remember. These people naturally have others gravitate towards them, towards their opinions, and their counsel. Very simply, they influence others, normally from a very early age or an early opportunity. These people not only get results, but get others to get results. They wear the mantle of leadership with great comfort. These people didn’t wake up one day and say “oh, I’m a leader, people should follow me!” Rather, along their journey as they’ve encountered groups, teams, classrooms, really people in general, they grow more comfortable with leading other people.

Natural-born Leaders handle authority easily. They make it look easy. And to some extent it is easier for them. All leadership has a burden associated with it, because ultimately, a natural-born leader is willing to listen to counsel, but accept sole-responsibility for the decision. Natural-born leaders recognize this ability in other natural-born leaders and will easily subjugate themselves into a follower role, as long as the other leader demonstrates a high level of competency and consistency.

#3 – Those who think they are leaders but are really followers. This is the Realm of Stupid Leadership. This group is growing by leaps and bounds in our culture today. Because, somewhere some clever publishing groups, public speakers or authors looking to sell you their books have sown this myth among our corporate culture that “everyone can be a leader.” The absurdity in this is really laughable. What Fortune 500 company or even a mom-and-pop bakery hires each new employee and says “welcome, you are now a leader, but so am I and so will be each new person we hire?” No one says this, well, no one that still has an organization or business that is remotely successful. Ever been in a room, on a committee, a team, a class or a gathering where everyone tried to lead? It’s impossible! Nothing gets accomplished, the simplest tasks become ridiculously complex, and harmony denigrates into hostility.

I call these people “wanna-be” leaders. They don’t start out with bad intentions, normally. But often, because they have misperceived their ability or have been led to believe in a false-ability, something happens to them and the seeds of tyranny are sown. Consequently, these people normally look at the natural-born leaders with contempt, because the natural-born leaders make influencing others seem so easy and for the wanna-bee leaders it is nearly impossible. If you can’t get people to follow you, you probably aren’t a natural leader. The mantle of leadership is all about authority. Most people can’t handle it with prudence, judiciousness and wisdom. Authority to the wanna-be leader becomes an obsession. Accepting responsibility is nearly impossible for the wanna-be leader, because, they are actors and actresses, and failure is impossible to ingest because in their minds it might expose themselves to their perceived followers. This type of leadership will ultimately turn into tyranny and a dictatorship. This wanna-be will remove any and all challengers of his perceived-authority.

The Realm of Stupid Leadership will ultimately destroy a business, organization, team, family or church. Knowing your ultimate ability brings a level of liberty to your life. You don’t have to pursue the wrong opportunities or take on the wrong responsibilities.

If we all worked on becoming better followers, the natural-leaders will arise. Harmony, unity and peace will be the by-products. However, in the Realm of Stupid Leadership hostility, factions, and open-conflict become the norm.

Simply, in the realm of leadership, everyone must remember that everyone is a follower. We are all following someone, even for some if that is just themselves. So, the best leaders are the best followers, but the best followers are not the best leaders. If we focused more on serving than leading, the leaders would lead and we could all follow.

Get Rid of the Airbrush; When the Church Becomes Cool

The Church Needs to Throw Away the Airbrush 

We are a culture obsessed with perfection. We are an airbrushed society filled with artists that practice fabrication and deception on a scale and level never known in the history of the world. Reality is blurring into fantasy, at least in the realm of media. And it dominates our world: globally, locally, interpersonally & spiritually.

Get rid of the airbrush. Stop sanitizing saints who don’t want sanctification. Stop the new lineage of for-profit pastors. Christians in America want our preachers to be famous, the Church to be his platform, and the members his biggest fans. Enter the airbrush: messy Scripture is ignored, convicting truths reformed, and image becomes more important than substance.

Sadly, the airbrush has infected many of our churches. Members think they have to look perfect and act perfect. All this acting has put on a show for far too long. Stop acting and start living! You have real struggles and real problems, but we are so scared that others will perceive us to be “lesser” christians. Acting never got anyone to heaven–remember Judas?! He was the best actor of all and look where he ended up–utterly ruined. Pastors have become peddlers of personal perfection and pundits of pretensions, instead of red-hot prognosticators of purity and the Prince of Peace! Row-after-row of parishioners are left believing the pastor is perfect and his wife is perfect and his kids…well, we know better than that! (For the record: I am a preacher’s kid)

Spoiler alert: Most of the models on the covers of magazines have been more than a little “touched up” by expert editors a.k.a. airbrush artists. We are guilty of “touching up” our websites, our sanctuaries, our pulpits, our tv screens, our people, our kids areas, our logos, our “extras”, our worship-leaders and sadly, our pastors.  Churches have started cashing in on their “cover-boy” pastors. Church members have started believing that they need the latest, greatest, coolest, shirt-untucked, Abercrombie-looking, model pastor. It is ridiculous to see men in their 50’s and 60’s trying to look like they are 25, just so they can reach the younger generation. Do you really think having a “cool” pastor impresses Jesus? Do you think your “cool” pastor will make the Scripture more palatable? Do you think a cool building is what you need? A cool worship leader? A cool sanctuary? A cool website? A cool kid’s area? 

Stop being cool. Jesus had a word for cool. It was neither hot nor cold, it was lukewarm. The gospel has never been cool. It will never be cool, if your gospel is cool, then you have an apostate version. The gospel of Jesus Christ is red hot. It is a consuming fire. There is no cool in it. And, by the way, Jesus said “cool” makes him want to vomit (Revelation 3:16).

It’s evident by many of the messages heard today that many preacher-boys spend more time preening and primping than they do in true preparation for their sermon. They are not prepared to be an “oracle” of God, because they have not heard from God. Seminary taught them how to cut up, divide and Greek-i-fy a passage of Scripture. But, seminary can never teach you the power of God. Oh many professors, presidents, and administers have the power, but they learned it on their knees, through their tears, and in their sufferings. The power of God was never learned in a practicum, in a popularity contest or in a Porsche. It is better learned in a prison, kneeling in a pew or a Ford Pinto!

There are fewer and fewer Spirit-filled and Spirit-led members in our churches. They don’t know the Spirit, so they are not listening for his voice. They learned that the pastor is the authority. Hogwash! Only Jesus is the authority in the Church–his church. The Spirit testifies, searches and calls from the depths, from “deep unto to deep” (Psalm 42:7, 1 Corinthians 2:10). But, we aren’t a spiritually deep people. We are mostly shallow, muddied waters.

How deep is your church? Probably not that deep, because if it is your church it will be as shallow as the newest member. If it is your church, then your shovel will hit bottom very quickly. Oh, but if it is Jesus’ Church, His Bride, then, no rock could ever be dropped to hit the bottom. His depth is unfathomable.

Where has the depth gone in the Church? We don’t want deep sermons, we want entertainment. We don’t want deep hymns, we want anthems. We don’t want to memorize Scripture, we want a new app. We don’t want prayer meetings, we want bounce-houses and coffee shops. We don’t want the poor, we want the wealthy. We don’t want missionaries, we want rock-stars. We don’t want prophets, we want puppets. We don’t the Spirit, we want cheerleaders. We don’t want heaven, we want the world. We don’t want Jesus, we want me. Terrell Owens summed it up very well, “I love me some, me.”

The Church must wake up. Maybe, it’s the Church that needs an ice-water challenge?! We are so busy being so full of our-selves, we’ve left no room for Christ. We’ve pushed him to the fringes of our comfortable, narcoleptic lives. Wake up! Hear the preparations of the King. He will ride upon the Four Winds. The Trumpet will sound.  He will return. He is coming. But, will he find his servants asleep? Will he find his Bride faithful?

…when the Son of Man comes, will he find faith on earth?” Luke 18:8

Don’t Do This with Your Kids – pt.1

 Children need training.

Without training children do grow, but they grow restless, discontent, unmotivated, lazy, arrogant and worst of all—self-centered!

King Baby

Certainly, not your children. It’s those other kids at the playground, in the principal’s office or Chick-fil-A’s playground that have thrown themselves on the ground, can’t stop hitting other children, and that have a blatant, defiant disregard for any and all order, especially their parent’s.

Since those aren’t your kids, let’s walk through a few “don’ts” and “do’s” in regards to what you will and won’t allow your kids to do or you will or won’t subject your kids to through your brand of parenting.

You do have a brand of parenting. Your primary model was your own parents or the lack thereof. You cannot go back and undo what you were subjected to and experienced as a child, but you can start today molding and modeling for your children—and even for other children at the playground, park or restaurant playplace.

The following are a few examples that can and will help you model and mold your child, so that as he or she grows they grow emotionally healthy, disciplined, and well-adjusted.

#1 – Don’t give into your children’s demands, but do seek to meet their needs. Too many children have taken their parent’s hostage by their demands. I see it everywhere I go. Little Prince has turned into Little Emperor! Little Princess has turned into the Queen of the World! Parents must not cater to their children’s every demand. Children by their nature have a measure of foolishness, folly and defiance bound up in them.

They are learning through experience, so they will test the limits, they will test boundaries. It is evident that many parents themselves haven’t figured out what is appropriate and what is not. Parents, it is appropriate to meet your child’s needs, it is not appropriate for your child to rule in your home (unless he/she is a newborn baby, but that will pass).

Too many parents are actually making demanding children because they are trying to give the child what “they never had when they were a kid.” This is stupid, you probably didn’t have it for a reason. No amount of stuff will ever make your kid love you more. Stuff only needs more stuff. Your child needs you. Don’t substitute awesome stuff for your awesome time. And when you give yourself, give your undivided self. It’s better to do stuff with your child, than give them stuff. Because, it is in the “doing” they learn more from you than in the “thing” you give them. (For the record I am not advocating never giving them presents, gifts, etc. that show your love. Just make sure the gifts are the only thing that says “I love you,” ‘You are valuable,” and “I’m glad you are my kid!”

#2 – Don’t allow them to run wild, but do provide for them opportunities for adventure! Healthy children by nature are curious. Children need outlets for adventure. A true adventure has the measure of fear, fun, and failure. Fear because the child will experience something beyond what they know and there is risk involved (make sure safety is a priority). Fun because if it’s not you and your child will be miserable. Failure because, your child must not win at everything. The strongest measure of success often come from a foundation of failure. Children need to experience the outdoors. We have Family Adventures. Hiking, camping, boating, sleeping in a tent, biking, making tents in your living room, riding bikes down new trails, family road trips with unplanned stops (beware of the weirdos) are all examples of what we have done as a family. A field is the perfect place to allow your kids to “run wild,” the restaurant, the church fellowship hall, the department store, the grocery store are not places children should be “running wild.” Figure out what works for your family and tell your kids, “today, we are going on an adventure!” Watch the magic happen in these occasions.

#3 – Don’t excuse defiance or disrespect as cute, but do teach them to respect your authority as the parent. The parent should be the authority in the home, not the child. There must be clarity in regards to authority, role, actions and consequences. Too many parents are growing afraid of giving children consequences for their actions. When disobedience, defiance and disrespect transpire, there needs to be consequences that follow. If not the seeds of rebellion in the child’s heart take deeper root.

Some consequences will require punishment. Starting with a warning is often fine. The punishment should fit the crime! Parents that are both too lenient and too excessive reinforce the seeds of rebellion. You need to make sure the child heard and understood what they disobeyed, how they disrespected or how they were defiant. You have consequences to shape the child’s heart not crush their spirit.

If you discipline when you are angry, you erode your authority as the child ages. But, if you are controlled and calm when you discipline, you then reinforce your authority in your child’s life. Too many parents laugh at totally inappropriate and disrespectful behavior in their children or they laugh in the presence of other children’s inappropriate behavior. All you are doing is weakening your authority (you may need to go lock the door in the bathroom and go laugh your head off).

Also be a parent that follows through. I have made too many empty threats (if you don’t, I will….for the rest of your life) that my children learned over time that I would never enact. Empty threats weaken your authority. Don’t threaten your child. Warn your children. Because, warnings have consequences if not headed. If you say that “x” will happen if the child does “y,” then you must follow through.

“Train up a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not depart from it” Proverbs 22:6 

Is this helpful? Part 2 of “Don’ts” coming soon…

Disclaimer: I am not an expert. I am not a perfect parent. I was not raised a perfect child. But, I have a great wife and wonderful parents! I was raised by a father and mother who have been married for over 40 years who had six children (5 boys & 1 girl) and my wife and I have four children (1 boy & 3 girls). 

When Food Wins; You Lose

When Food Wins; You Lose!

Food is fuel. Pure and simple.

Anything beyond that leads us into the realm of temptation. The temptation is to either partake (a) too much or (b) too little.

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Food can and will become your master if you are not disciplined and honest.

Food is a hard master. It will either push you away saying you ‘can’t have’ to keep you held to a false image or pull you in saying ‘indulge’ by constructing you into false image of a different sort. One image can never be “thin” enough, the other can always handle one more helping.

Eve, I believe, saw in the forbidden fruit, her image. An image she was tempted to view wrongly. She was made in God’s image, not the image of the world and the food of the world. For she saw, “…that the tree was good for food, and that it was a delight to the eyes, and that the tree was to be desired to make one wise…” (Genesis 3:6).

She saw the power, the allure of making her own image. The vehicle of temptation was food.

I own a restaurant. I can eat whatever I want when I want. I could put gravy on everything and icedream on everything and…too my shame, I have. In fact, my father told me that when I grew up I could do this very thing. And I did, to the tune of becoming a glutton (+/- 250 lbs).

Interestingly enough, when Daniel and his friends were taken to Babylon, one of the first temptations they faced was to partake of delicacies from the king’s own table. Daniel 1:8 says,

“But Daniel resolved that he would not defile himself with the king’s food, or with the wine that he drank.”

Food in the wrong allotment of kind and portion will defile you. Just as, food without proper allotment will destroy you. If you do not give your appetite to God, then you are a prime candidate for allowing Satan and the images of the world to both defile and destroy you.

But, these four courageous, disciplined men were willing to take an early stand against this temptation to be made into the image of an earthly king receiving the applause and attention of the world. But rather, they saw their image not in the world, but in the audience of a Heavenly King.

We have the story of Eve, lacking no indulgence but yielding the one thing she shouldn’t have. And we have Daniel and friends, lacking no indulgence, yet, resisting until they receive the one thing that set them apart. Eve failed. Daniel and friends succeeded.

You’ve forgotten you have a choice. Every day you have a choice.

Let’s say you are loosing this battle of choice, I mean you’ve been beaten for a long time. Where do you start?

1. Admit you are a slave and you have a master and its name is food and or image. You are not your body’s master.

2. Surrender. Give up. Ask Jesus Christ to help you see that you are a new creation: 2 Corinthians 5:17 “Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation. The old has passed away; behold, the new has come.”

3. Find a group to mark and measure. I needed the pain of accountability and truth spoken into my life by others. Two specific, painful statements were spoken to me:

Our good college-distance runner friend, “Alex, we know what you eat…you will never have a runner’s body!” Truth-zinger it hurt, but it was said in love and timely.

Then, our truth-telling daughter who has Asperger’s Syndrome, “Dad, I recognized you across the parking lot,” she said. “How?” I asked. “By your shape,” she replied and she drew my pumpkin shape in the air with her hands…ouch! Truth!

I was living in the illusion of a lie. The man I had let myself become, was not the man God intended me to be.

So, I began a slow journey. Back and forth. No real ground gained. I loved food. Thought about food, snacks, desserts and more food. Back and forth. I would starve myself. I called it fasting, but, in reality I would drop 12 lbs one week; only by the next weekend to have gained 14 back! The cycle depressed me.

I needed a life-style change and discipline.

Then, I discovered a measurement tool: a calorie tracker app cal MyfitnessPal. For the first time in my life I began to measure my intake on everything–discovery! I was eating 2-3 days of calories in 1 day! The beauty of the app is that if you are not eating enough it will show you that you need to eat more and obviously, if you are consuming too much.

Here’s the truth: you will never have a perfect body. To believe such goes against the entire course of human history. Only Adam and Eve had perfect bodies. Once they sinned they brought imperfection to the genetic code of all humanity. Stop trying to have a “perfect” body, it’s impossible. Work on a healthy and fit body to the best of your ability.

God can and will fill up what you are lacking for only “in Christ are we made complete” (Colossians 2:10).

The choice is yours. Start choosing well today. You can do it. You can keep doing it.

 

I love hearing from you. Send me questions I can answer in future posts.

Thought of the Day: Measurement

5’11” 3/4″ is my height. 185.4 lbs is my weight.

I am measurable.

God is not measurable.

The measure of your perspective often dictates the depth of your faith.

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A dirt mound looks like a mountain to an ant, but to a human of any size it can easily be kicked over with minimal effort. A rock to an ant might be impossible to move, but the smallest child can toss it across the yard.

Man, trapped in a measurable form; man, made of muscle, sinew, blood & bone; man, formed from dust and clay is confined and limited by the very body he inhabits. Thus, there will be continual impossibilities in the life of every human.

You will face great adversity, great trial and impossible situations. These will come because you are powerless to affect many of them. But, these will also come so that God can show you His power over them.

Because, “nothing will be impossible with God” (Luke 1:37).

God, who the Bible tells us unfathomable, immeasurable, and limitless (Job 11:7, Psalm 145:3, Ecc. 3:11, Isaiah 40:13) revealed Himself to mankind through Jesus Christ “the image of the invisible God” (Colossians 1:13).

Humans measure against primary two things: standards and others. We teach immovable standards of measurement for scale, scope and size. Those are obvious and elementary. However, as humans with a tainted, sinful bent we are constantly measuring ourselves against others and others against our view of ourself. This is wrong.

It only leads to the sin of comparison. Comparison is really covetous measurement of yourself against another. In comparison we tend become our own judges. James writes, “…But who are you to judge your neighbor?” (4:12).

Remember, Jesus lived a perfect life. How do you measure against perfection? If we are honest with ourselves, we realize how far short we  compare to Christ. Sadly, many of us are not honest with ourselves by excusing our own actions by measuring and magnifying the actions of anyone other than ourself.

Honest measurement is found in examining one’s life against Jesus. For in this measurement we will always fall short of perfection. This is good. It reminds us who life is really about. This is humbling. When we measure it must be against Jesus: the perfect other and the perfect standard.

Don’t fall into the trap of measuring against other flawed humans. It will kill your faith and limit your understanding of the unlimitless nature of God. Don’t erode your faith by stepping up to and sitting down upon the dais of judgment. Rather, view the mountains in your life of guilt, doubt, fear, and hopelessness with the understanding that,

“if you have faith like a grain of mustard seed, you will say to this mountain, ‘Move from here to there,’ and it will move, and nothing will be impossible for you” (Matthew 17:20).

For to which ant did he ever call son or daughter?

 

Leadership Thought of the Day: Courage

Courage. Not everyone has it and not everyone will activate it. Only a few will stand toe to toe with their fears and say, “come what may.”

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Last week, over 70 years ago, courageous men stormed into the face of great opposition to throw of the yoke of tyranny and oppression in Operation Overlord. The Day, would become known as D-Day, June 6, 1944. At Omaha Beach alone, most units suffered a casualty rate of 90%, with some units near 100%. Over 3,300 men were lost on that one beach alone. Wave after wave of men, stormed the beach heads down, inching forward, the loss of life, the chaos of war everywhere. The ramp came down, the bullets, shells and violence flew, but these men born of courage, moved forward.

What drove them on?

Courage.

Courage is born of conviction. Cowardice is born of self-interest. Worry is the path to fear. Your worries will turn into uncontrollable fears. So, instead of controlling your fears, your fears end up controlling you: this is known as paranoia. Fear kills trust. Leaders and followers alike that operate through the lens of paranoia will ultimately be consumed by paralysis, delusion or departure. Fear subverts the leader-follower relationship.

It takes courage to face your fears. Facing your fears simply means looking through your fears to see what is on the other side. This is why fears destroy faith, fear is all about what you think you see, not what you really see. Faith is the absence of sight. They conflict. Faith breeds and builds courage. Convictions strengthen courage.

Courage is a catalyst that stirs the hearts of others. Courage starts in the heart and moves to the mind. Fear strikes in the mind and moves to the heart. Courage and cowardice both exist in the heart. However, courage rises up to strike down the fears that fall from the mind, where cowardice sucombs and obeys the fears.

Courage is contagious. There is something in the human soul that gravitates and is inspired by those who demonstrate courage. A seemingly insignificant act coupled with courage can become the defining moment of a life, an organization or a people.